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the way we were

there have been many moments in thewashingmachinepost's lengthy career where my luddite tendencies have crept in to allow me to take pot shots at cycling's incessant technological development, a process that seems to know no bounds, driven as it often is by the industry's marketing departments, desperate for something new to peddle (pun intended), lest someone in management realise that the department headcount outstrips every other. but, of course, it's not only the cycle industry that suffers from an almost permanent need for new stuff; it would fill way too many pixels to list those in the same boat, but since i have one foot with a cleat and one foot with a sense of rhythm, it is perhaps no surprise that i can see occasional parallels.

a recent youtube video from one of the world's foremost drum manufacturers not only proves my point, but, had it been included in a remix of the spinal tap movie, believe me, it would have been less than unseemly.

the first notable drummer to play two bass drums was contemporary of buddy rich and gene krupa, the great louie bellson. with the dawn of rock 'n' roll, the use of two bass drums was found not only to be suitably bombastic, but visually impressive. there are any number of drummers with a double-bass kit on which there is no pedal attached to the leftmost drum. this is often for the simple reason that the setlist includes no songs in which double-bass beats are truly necessary.

eventually, it dawned on some clever fellow that it might be possible to play a single bass drum with two independent beaters controlled by two separate footboards. these too, are remarkably popular, even amongst those drummers who a) have no need for them and b) are bereft of the ability to play them. i once possessed just such as double-pedal, though in my defence, i purchased it because of a pricing offer that made it only £20 more expensive than a single pedal. after a few years, i realised that, not only were there few opportunities to make good use of it, but, given the style of music in which i was immersed, there were none arriving over the horizon.

so i sold it.

for those uninvolved and probably uninterested in the world of double-pedals, the mechanism containing the two individual beaters is clamped to the bass drum hoop, while a remote pedal, joined to the above by means of an adjustable rod, sits adjacent to the hi-hat pedal. the video referred to above presented a new, all singing, all dancing connecting rod, featuring several sets of cartridge bearings at the pivots, reputedly removing any play from the setup and reputedly improving the speed attainable by those who find it necessary to play their bass drum parts with ferocious velocity.

what seems to have been forgotten in the rush to bring this wholly unnecessary aftermarket component to our attention (and, if the comments are to be believed, compete with two other pedals who adopted this technology years ago) is that, despite what others might say, drummers are every bit as involved in playing music as the other guys in the band. and just as there is in the velocipedinal world, a proportion of drummers are invested in the vintage market, celebrating the percussive values of the last century, despite the availability of state-of-the-art modern drums and equipment. i don't doubt that present day bicycles are of a far better quality than many of those from yesteryear, but as we are constantly reminded, not everyone harbours desires of competing in the world tour. a member of the sunday peloton rides an aluminium-framed bicycle that still features down-tube gear levers, yet he's still quicker than most of us.

and at the risk of being superficial, many of the reputedly fastest machinery available at a bike shop near you, verges on the hideous, straying deep into design choices for the sake of it, as opposed to sound engineering principles. i might cite in evidence, the endless faffing with the means of holding the seatpost in place (always assuming there's an actual seatpost in the first place). i'm often convinced that the latter is as a diversion away from fastening the saddle to the seatpost, a problem solved by campagnolo decades ago. the seatpost on my ritchey logic is held in place by a simple threaded bolt at the juncture between the seat tube and seatstays. the problem engendered by modern-day frames is the moving of the stays half-way down the seat tube.

as one door closes...

you will perhaps be either impressed or confounded by the admission that i have made inroads into the world of vintage in my otherwise thoroughly modern drumset, with the purchase of a genuine calfskin snare drum head. though i have read all the horror stories of the humidity and temperature troubles that will inevitably occur, despite having been a dummer for well over 50 years, i have only ever played plastic. i'll try never to regale you with tales of how it all works out.

thursday 23 january 2025

immersion heater

situated about 2km north from the centre of bowmore village, is ionad chaluim chille ile, also referred to as the gaelic college, the gaelic centre, or even the columba centre. those descriptions are effectively interchangeable; anyone on the island will know to what you refer no matter which option you choose. originally built as a fever hospital, hence its semi-distant position away from islay's capital city, it was laterally used, in the early 1990s, as a storage facility for the local council. several years of construction produced a far more attractive building, based on the original, but including more internal space, photovoltaic roof tiles (now well past their sell-by date) and an ideal location looking across loch indaal.

though originally opened as an actual college operated under the auspices of skye's sabhal mòr ostaig for a year or two, it was possible to graduate with a degree in the gaelic language. unfortunately, despite substantial funding from holyrood, the ostensibly academic facility has had its educational offerings watered down, to the point where gaelic conversation classes are almost all that are on offer. the once popular children's gaelic nursery is no more. it currently sports a popular restaurant/café and is frequently used as a concert venue, particularly by the islay jazz festival and cantilena classical music festival. academia, however, has seemingly passed it by.

yet the latter state of affairs appears not to have had any serious effect on the government funding pouring in through the front door. though it is outwith my remit to offer comment, last summer it opened a new and expensively built immersive centre, offering ipads on which software can overlay differing layers of information on a central map of the island. around the walls is a series of information panels relating to the history of gaelic on islay, ending in a room in which it is possible to slouch on a leather sofa, while viewing videos of island life. at the back of this facility lies a door leading to a reputedly state-of-the-art immersive experience, featuring a bespoke film projected onto three of the four walls, accompanied by gaelic narration, translated into english subtitles.

some visitors have experienced dizziness and slight vertigo while sat on the rudimentary bench in front of the immersve display which, i'm led to believe, relies on some of the technology to be found in the las vegas globe. the recent receipt of even more government funding will reputedly allow the centre to build a stand-alone external and even more advanced version within the grounds. irrespective of what i personally think of the provision of such large sums of government money to a facility likely only to be visited once and which displays little evidence of encouraging greater uptake of scotland's reputed national language, there's little denying of the actual immersive quality provided. the final piece in the jigsaw, yet to receive final commissioning, will apparently provide 360 degree interaction.

which, by comparison, is where i have a smidgeon of difficulty comprehending the use of the word 'immersive' when applied to the world of online cycle platforms such as zwift, or rouvy. these considerations were raised upon recent reading of an article on recommended online platforms, smart trainers, and computers or tablets for those in thrall to indoor cycle-training. as far as i can ascertain, those who employ such methods generally do so in front of large flat panel tv screens, or smaller versions of the same thing conjoined to a laptop, or as a standalone digital tablet. though i'm sure the pixelated reproductions are on a parabolic curve leading to accurate reproduction indistinguishable from the real thing, staring at even a very large flat panel television screen can scarcely be described as 'immersive', no matter which way you view it. even a look askance at the coffee cup sat on the sideboard alongside, will disavow even the most invested practitioner of the fallacy that he or she is really ascending alpe d'huez or the ventoux.

essentially, therefore, when zwift invites you to "jump into immersive worlds", it might be telling fibs.

wednesday 22 january 2025

dis-connected

i live in one of a row of five terraced houses, situated on what was intended to be a pedestrianised area, connected by a series of footpaths. sadly, the latter are wide enough to accommodate sizeable motor vehicles, and feature several wider areas at each end to allow emergency vehciles to turn, should they have to attend any of the houses contained within. unfortunately, due to this ease of motorised access, several residents use these areas as car parks, effectively undermining their original purpose, and creating a less than clear distinction between who actually has priority on those paths. this arrangement, however, has now resulted in a potential problem not foreseen when the houses were originally built in the mid 1960s.

my son is a qualified electrician with his own business, and his expertise has led him to point out that, due to the means by which electrical power is distributed to the houses, were all five households in the row in which i live to acquire electric cars and plug them in overnight to recharge, there are convincing reasons to expect all the wiring to melt. there is very little likelihood of my ever owning or driving an electric car, but already one household features a hybrid electric car in its driveway, and assuming the government's targets on ev sales begins to take a foothold, it seems quite likely that there will be more.

but currently (pun intended), only one household has converted what was once a grassy front garden into a driveway for their plug-in hybrid. in the unlikely situation that all others follow suit (for all sorts of logistical reasons), this means that those new elecetric vehicles have no option but to find themselves parked in the adjacent car park. though already denied, if we take my own residence as an example, that would entail an extremely long cable running from the house to the car, without any guarantees that the nearest parking space would be available on a daily basis. and were someone to carelessly trip over said cable on a dark morning or evening, who would be held responsible?

the same caveat would apply to those living in main street, shore street and the one side of high street that offers no off-road parking. there is then the portent of an endless number of electrical cables criss-crossing the pavement to charge a nose-to-tail stretch of electric vehicles. and bowmore is hardly the sole example of such a potential inequity. there is of course, the possibility that the internal combustion engine might have a far longer life-expectancy than either westminster or holyrood had in mind, as news arrives to say that, for 2024, no car manufacturers other than suzuki, are likely to face fines for failing to attain government manufacturing targets. and even suzuki can avoid the potential fines by acquiring credits from other manufacturers.

with sales of electric vehicles reputedly on the decline, the association of motor manufacturers is currently petitioning the government to adjust their demands, if only to allow the association's members to avoid these punitive fines. we should, however, thank our lucky stars that current government demands are applicable only to electric vehicles and not augmented by legislation that might include so-called autonomous vehicles, more commonly referred to as self-driving-cars. should that ultimately become a prospect on the legislative horizon, it could be considered something of a double-whammy; no sane car manufacturer is going to spend its research and development funds on applying autonomy to other than an electric vehicle. this, at worst, could result in a large number of very fast, heavy cars driving under their own cognisance.

for the time being, we can satisfy ourselves that many of the various experiments involving self-driving vehicles, have been highly restrictive, or ultimately suffered from a failure to achieve their objectives. but of all the ignominies that could befall an all-electric, autonomous vehicle, one that the majority of us might not have considered, has been proposed by a gathering of science fiction writers, assembled at the behest of 'resilience beyond observed capabilities'. while this might at first, seem a tad far-fetched, across the pond it is apparently not at all unusual for government departments to seek the advice of sci-fi practitioners, on the basis that they have a peculiar knack of visualising futures most of us would consider highly unrealistic.

iot, or the internet of things, foresees a day when internet and communications technology will unite seemingly disparate facets of contemporary life, in ways we can only imagine at present. examples already abound, even within the velocipedinal realm. lighting supremos, see sense offer bicycle lights that can communicate with a central point, highlighting any potential obstacles to commuting traffic, and disseminating that information to other see sense users in real-time. a supercharged version of similar technology has also been incorporated into several versions of self-driving cars, aiding and abetting each other to be aware not only of traffic hold-ups but of each other's location. though it may seem like science-fiction to suggest, if all electric vehicles are interconnected, there will also exist an extreme likelihood that a problem afflicting one, could easily afflict its peers.

such as an extreme catastrophic, centralised failure that trapped everyone inside their autonomous electric vehicles. and however far-fetched that might seem in 2025, rest assured that it can never happen to cyclists.

providing one more reason to be unbearably smug.

tuesday 21 january 2025

surely not?

lunchtime conversation at debbie's on sunday, perhaps inevitably came round to the subject of wattbikes, zwift and rouvy, all of which received guffaws of disparagement from the mighty dave-t and yours truly. or at least the most convincing guffaw that i could manage when midway through a cheese and tomato toastie. i had mentioned to one of my fellow pelotoneers, that on tuesday this week, if memory serves correctly, wout van aert will be undertaking a fun social ride on the rouvy online cycling platform, an event that i facetiously pointed out, could possibly be with anyone; even one of the visma lease-a-bike mechanics, if wout considered he'd overdone it in yesterday's world cup cyclocross round in benidorm.

according to my conversant, these online cycling platforms contain certain markers that identify the veracity of the on-screen avatar. with no first-hand experience of such matters, i could but bow to his greater knowledge, so it seems likely that wout's mechanic is safe for the time being. i believe we've already discussed the likelihood of those joining wout on tuesday using their participation as bragging rights amongst their own sunday pelotons, despite all this taking place virtually, rather than face-to-face in reality (i make this comment with the caveat that, even in a real fun social ride, the likelihood of ever being face-to-face with the belgian is probably the stuff of fantasy).

founder of facebook, mark zuckerberg, changed the name of his social media's parent company to meta, so convinced was he that the virtual world was the guaranteed future for us all. though not short of a penny or two, mr zuckerberg has invested millions, if not billions of dollars, to make his contention a reality (if you'll pardon the pun), though according to the inevitable industry analysts, he has gained very little traction in the process. however, personal observation perhaps indicates that the revolution will come in fractions, rather than at the behest of a multi-billionaire with a singular vision.

i am blissfully unaware of the strategic intentions of companies such as zwift, rouvy or any other promoters of virtual reality training programmes. what we did tacitly agree during our lunchtime conversation, was that neither of the above-named programmes constituted cycling; it would be more accurate to consider them as indoor training modules. based on no research whatsoever, i have little indication whether subscribers to either of the above, are inclined to enter their respective pain caves, to simply while away a couple of hours before tea-time. the colloquial, second-hand evidence that i have gathered along the way, would tend to suggest that the majority of adherents are inclined to use zwift, rouvy a peloton or a wattbike expressly for the purpose of improving their fitness levels without the need to bear witness to the great outdoors.

i am, of course, subsuming my disdain for all these options, with deference to graeme obree's contention that training methods such as we are now discussing are far more effective in appraising any potential improvements purely because they are undertaken indoors. with no possible variation in road or weather conditions, it's easy to compare yesterday's ride with that of today, undertaken in identical conditions, to gauge any hoped-for improvements. however, graeme's advice does not obviate the identification of so doing as a form of training, rather than a means of cycling.

for many - self included - cycling is conditional on riding in the great outdoors, witnessing the seasonal changes, developing three-dimensional skills in coping with traffic conditions, learning how to ride into with sturdy headwinds, real ascents and descents, along with the possibility of coming across real people on real bikes, and making human contact. with the advent of the gravel fad, it's hard to comprehend how even a smart trainer might replicate the skills required to cope with loose gravel, potholes, wet grass and mud. of course, i'm painting this as if it were simply a black and white situation. many of those who make use of indoor training, augment doing so with real cycling, if only to learn that other riders are physical objects which cannot be ridden through when they inevitably get in your way.

however, it's a comforting thought that cycling may be displaying less eccentricity in such matters than other means of physical sporting activity. though i confess i thought it to be a wind-up, my lunchtime conversant advised me of a means of indoor swimming without experiencing even so much as a drop of water. aside from joining the sunday peloton, my colleague is known for participation in the occasional triathlon across the season, from whence he had learned of this zen8 swim trainer illustrated above. its existence means that the intrepid triathlete wishing to refrain from inhabiting the great outdoors, could acquire just such a device to join their smart turbo trainer and indoor treadmills, allowing completion of an ironman without ever leaving the centrally-heated comfort of their living rooms.

maybe mark zuckerberg was right (though i fervently hope he isn't).

monday 20 january 2025

paying attention

on friday evening, i listened to one or two tributes to drummer, hal blaine, reputedly the most recorded drummer in history, as part of a group of california-based session musicians generally known as the wrecking crew. blaine was the drummer who actually played on recordings by the beach boys, the carpenters, the monkees, and many of the early recordings produced by phil spector. he puts much of his success down to having learned to sight-read music and plain old luck. quoted in one interview, he decried students who protested at having to learn to read, several claiming that it would undermine their individuality and sense of groove. being able to read music was the very reason he was, at the time, approaching his 60,000th recording.

hal blaine died in march 2019 aged 90.

i'll admit that, at some early points of my percussive career (such as it is), i too have resisted the need to sight-read, citing buddy rich, arguably the world's greatest ever drummer, who was unable to read a note. however, rich was one of a kind, and blessed with an idetic memory; he had only to hear an arrangement once and he could play it without missing a beat. of course, the real reason i attempted to shrug off the necessity for reading, was because i was struggling (and still do) to gain a foothold on the written page. admittedly, there have been only two instances in my drumming life, where i was handed a sheaf of written drum music before the gig and expected to read. too embarrassed to admit my failing, i simply placed the music on a stand and played what i thought would best fit the tune. well aware that my percussing was definitely not what was on the printed page, those were the points at which i learned that many so-called musical directors, had no more comprehension of those sheets of music than did i.

for the past nine years, i have taught national five, higher and advanced higher drumming at the local secondary school, a practice which has necessitated doing my homework to ensure accuracy and ability of the written parts. don't get me wrong, i do understand and can read drum music, but my sight-reading abilities leave a great deal to be desired. however, the only practical means of improving those abilities, is to have to do it; something i have been attempting to undertake by volunteering to occupy the drum seat in islay's schools wind band. thankfully, since the majority of the brass and woodwind players are of primary school age and still learning their instruments, the drum scores with which i have been provided tend towards the simplistic. but as we restart for the 2025 session, one of the parts with which i was provided only last week, will take a bit more work in order not to look foolish.

and then arrives an e-mail from hudson music promoting a new book about drummer, billy cobham, once of the mahavishnu orchestra, a 1970s fusion band in which he played some fiercely complex rhythms in often very odd time signatures. the website from which the book is available, conveniently offers a short preview, including transcriptions of several cobham drum parts. having taken a cursory look at one or two of these samples has only convinced me that, while my reading skills may have incrementally improved, they're still very far from even approaching mediocrity. that said, i own a copy of bill bruford's 'when in doubt, roll', featuring a selection of transcriptions that even bill admits he'd be hard-pressed to read.

however, in the process of attempting to improve my sight-reading skills, essentially a complex exercise in awareness, i'm now wondering if there might be transferable skills to the art of riding a bike?

though i have had scarce opportunity to converse with my peers, i do wonder if most of us are guilty of simply clambering aboard and pedalling, as opposed to consciously paying closer attention to the skills demanded of the contemporary bike rider. a bit like my immediate percussive reaction to whatever my band-mates are playing, theres' often scant consideration afforded to any possible variations. if the beat fits and nobody falls over, then job done. professional road and cyclocross riders are generally acknowledged to possess far better bike-handling skills than do you and i, quite possibly because a) they are part and parcel of being a professional and b) because they practise. i'm not necessarily suggesting that you or i bunny-hop our way back to the bike shed, but with a nearby bridge on a stretch of islay singletrack road currently closed to motor traffic for repairs, better handling skills would likely avoid any nead to dismount. the bridge has been blocked with large bags of gravel, which can easily be circumvented by the intrepid rider (the reason for the bridge closure presents no danger to cyclists). but currently, most of us have had to dismount and wheel our way past the obstacles. with a little practice and forethought, i'm sure we could ride across without danger.

but, instead of ignoring the surrounds when deep in conversation, or simply appreciating the immediate environment, i was to place greater emphasis on my cycling skills, i could improve not only my affection for cycling, but ensure greater preparation if confronted with errant traffic, wildlife, sheep, or poor road conditions. i don't doubt that many of the above are achievable as a natural extension of day-to-day riding, but i think from tomorrow onwards, i might attempt to assimilate similar abilities and observations as i hope are being acquired from learning to improved sight-reading of drum parts. my current failings in the latter seem to centre around a lack of comprehension of the whole, tending to settle on individual phrases or notes.

i might have to get back to you later.

the music and drumming of billy cobham

sunday 19 january 2025

kind of blue

making it the best selling jazz album of all time, miles davis' kind of blue has sold approximately five million copies since its release in 1959. in comparison to michael jackson's thriller, which at sales of 70 million, is reckoned to be the best-selling album ever, miles' foray into modal jazz seems to pale by comparison. however, it's worth bearing in mind the apocryphal question, "how do you make a million as a jazz artist? (start with two million). it will likely prove unsurprising that i own kind of blue in pretty much all its formats, following the christmas gift of a vinyl recording last christmas. i also own a copy of ashley kahn's excellent book about the making of the album, and i've even played a version of the opening track 'so what?' at the islay jazz festival.

however, this coming monday, i will return from the office, switch on my little portable record player and listen to the vinyl version, if only because, for no discernable reason, its sound quality outperforms that of either the compact disc that i own, or the digital version on my ipod. drummer jimmy cobb may not be noted for his exuberant playing on the album, but a needle in vinyl grooves presents his cymbal playing and sound with far greater clarity than previously heard. it would not, however, be at all strange were you to ask why i might play this particular album on monday, given that it's eminently possible that i quite frequently play this, or any of my many other vinyl recordings after a hard day at the coal-face.

the answer is two-fold: firstly, the third monday in january is reckoned to be blue monday, the most depressing day of the year. in 2025, that will be 20 january. the contention for designating it thus does, it may surprise you to hear, have some basis in purported fact. having returned to work after the christmas break, experiencing an apparently endless series of dark, cold mornings and nights, your self-assessment submission is due, and, for those paid monthly, you're probably still at least a week away from any welcome addition to the bank balance. it is a combination hardly conducive to unbridled joy.

blue monday.

helpfully, an e-mail landed in my inbox only yesterday, claiming to proffer a solution to the blues, which in a perhaps contrived twist of fate, turned out to be advice to listen to music (though it stopped short of recommending any particular blues albums). according to the well-meaning, but commercially biased missive, whether it's listening, playing or creating, music has the ability to combat stress and improve your mood. understandably this does not apply to every style of music for every single person. even just a hint of taylor swift would likely to give rise to severe depression in thewashingmachinepost household, as would rave music, heavy metal, boy bands and oasis. in fact, if it's not big band, bebop or post bop, i'm probably not inetrested.

thankfully, i can prepare myself for blue monday by physically playing music. with a gig next saturday, i and my fellow band members will hold a rehearsal this evening, allowing me to hit stuff. the e-mail goes on to say that playing music can lower blood pressure and reduce your heart rate, though it doesn't distinguish between playing as in placing the needle on vinyl, or playing, as in strumming a guitar or crashing a cymbal, so if you're anything like yours truly, you'll try both. apparently studies have demonstrated that slow, calming orchestral music has the most positive impact on heart health, so i'd avoid stravinski's firebird suite, and anything by iggy pop.

i'm quite willing to admit that, until that e-mail arrived, i was unaware that blue monday was a thing (nor indeed, was i aware that 15 january is national pothole day), but if we might assume that i am one of the few unaware of such an important date, would it not have been every bit as seemly for the cycle industry to have despatched similarly worded correspondence? though i don't doubt we may have displayed a modicum of prejudice, it is a well-known fact that nothing is ever worse after a bike ride. while i'm not advocating that you give 'kind of blue' a miss on monday, perhaps were its listening to follow a bike ride, any blues we may be experiencing, will be banished for the remainder of the month.

according to those better educated that you or i, cycling improves cardiovascular fitness, improves muscle tone and flexibility, improves joint mobility, lowers our stress levels, improves co-ordination, strengthens bones, decreases or stabilises body fat and helps manage disease. and it's great fun. which, by my calculation, puts cycling well ahead of listening to music. granted, there's a deal more effort involved in the velocipedinal option, but nobody said this was going to be easy. what you don't want to do, is listen to music while cycling (unless you're a zwiftie, in which case you're probably beyond saving).

should you, therefore, find yourself midst an office full of depressives on monday, be sure to recount a precis of your cycling weekend, while directing them to the nearest jazz record shop.

saturday 18 january 2025

decor

the islay hotel was originally built in the village of port ellen in 1888, becoming a popular feature of village life until 1991, when it closed and largely fell into disrepair. ultimately, the local council had to exert pressure on the owners, who were reluctant to sell, to act against the precariousness of the building's condition, after parts of the roof fell onto the pavement below. this eventually resulted in the sale of the premises in 2004 to a local accountant and his partner, who began its redevelopment in 2007, demolishing most of the building, while leaving only the frontispiece as part of the demands of conservation requirements. in 2011, it re-opened still bearing its traditional name of the islay hotel. in 2024, the owner opted to take retirement and placed the hotel on the market, upon which it was purchased by louis vuitton moet hennessy, owners of the glenmorangie company, and ardbeg distillery.

this purchase gave the company its second hotel property, already responsible for glenmorangie house near tain in north-east scotland. in what seems subsequently to have been a thematic strategy, they renamed the islay hotel as ardbeg house, closing it in late september 2024 for a complete makeover curated by the rather pretentiously monikered interior storymakers at russell sage studio, also responsible for the interior decor at glenmorangie house. to accompany the announcement of the new premises opening booking opportunities for september this year, ardbeg's pr representatives sent over three images of the proposed interior by way of a sneak peek. though your kilometreage may vary, the few opinions sought so far tend to lean towards the hideous or over the top end of the spectrum.

i have published those illustrations within this monologue, so you can make up your own minds, but it's worth considering that, should you opt to avail yourself of their autumn-ready accommodation, you will need particularly deep pockets, with prices beginning at £420 per night. this takes it significantly above the cost of a stay at islay's largest hotel, the machrie, where a similarly sized room for the night in september is priced almost £100 less. however, today's diatribe has less to do with the price of admission, and more to do with what the glenmorangie company appears to consider as interior storymaking.

according to the press release, such an eccentric environment constitutes "...the ultimate ardbeggian experience". but an admittedly conservative opinion would contest that anyone visiting the island, presumably specifically to avail themselves of the whisky culture, surely expects to spend as little time as possible in a claustrophobically designed bedroom? for the majority, i would think, it's simply somewhere to put their heads at night, albeit at an appropriate level of comfort. i, and several of my colleagues, tend to think that, while ardbeggians delight in the odd quirk or two within the distillery (a dragster tractor and an ardbeg liveried orange county motorbike, for example), they themselves are a tad more restrained. that said, one hopes that the glenmorangie company understands its customers more accurately than yours truly.

but does that level of understanding extend to purchasers or prospective purchasers of a new road bike? while a change of colour scheme is often the only means of differentiating last year's bike from this year's, i'm surely not the only one who often thinks that remarkably little thought has been put into the painting of a carbon frame? many will recall the halcyon days of the 1990s, when colnago was happy to offer their art deco colours as an alternative to a plainer coating. i will grant you that there are different considerations to be undertaken when considering the colour of a bicycle frame as opposed to the interior storymaking of an hotel interior, but often those specific considerations seem to be missing in action.

for instance, the carbon frame of my specialized crux cyclocross bike is clad in white, fluorescent orange and fluorescent green. i agree, that combination could be viewed as a tad on the ostentatious side, but there's no denying that it makes me considerably more visible to traffic than the metallic slate grey of my steel ritchey logic. unpainted titanium may offer a luxurious satin sheen, but it scarcely shouts bicycle! to passing motorists. and a current trend amongst automobiles seems to have passed by osmosis to the world of the road bike, even though it does neither any favours in the visibility stakes. those trendy, dense, solid, warm greys offer a luxurious sheen to both vehicles and bicycles, but midst the frequently overcast weather conditions that permeate most of britain's skies, they almost disappear into the background.

glenmorangie would have you believe that the decor soon to be applied to the interior of their new hotel, is not truly of their making, but chosen at the behest of the largely anonymous ardbeggians. they may be right, they may be wrong (and there will be many ardbeggians and non-ardbeggians who would loudly protest the latter), but at least there seems to have been some sort of concerted (if misguided) effort to satisfy the wealthier portion of their customer-base. can we truly be sure that the likes of canyon, pinarello, colnago, scott, look, et al have indulged in similar endeavours?

friday 17 january 2025

as others see us

in the early 1990s, realising that jeans and a t-shirt not only failed to look the part on a newly built steel road bike, but were scarcely at the cutting edge of aero, i bought a pair of lycra tights to outwardly profess my velocipedinal ambitions and new-found prowess. as i recall, these were purchased from one of the large mail order concerns that once filled the back pages of the comic, and were effectively ordered sight unseen. i had no comprehension of the term bib-tights or the same prefix applied to shorts, nor was i aware that the better option was those with an internal pad, making all that pedalling effort a tad more comfortable than a pair of levis 501s.

to say that i had to take several steps backward on their arrival would be a gross understatement; explosion in a paint factory barely described what sat in front of me, definitely not the sort of apparel i had in mind when placing my telephone order. i was the first of my kind on islay to wear a helmet, in the days when the phrase mushroom head was common parlance. even nowadays it is seen as decidedly eccentric to be witnessed aboard a bicycle, sporting skinny wheels and bendy bars. within a conservative community of marginally over 3,000 residents, anything that marked you out as different had to be carefully considered prior to adoption. psychedelic lycra tights came under that particular heading.

the saying "there's safety in numbers" bears a certain truth; i confess i was never directly confronted over my velocipedinal predilections - though i have little doubt there were whispers on the quiet. and to be honest, the more often i went out cycling, the more common a sight i became and thus, less remarkable, bolstered by the eventual acquisition of a peloton. however, having seemingly gained tacit acceptance, that overtly ostentatious item of apparel threatened to undo all my public subterfuge. prior to realising that these tights (with an elasticated waist) were very definitely not what was required, i resolved never to ride in the noon-day sun (a little hebridean humour there), choosing instead to await dusk to mask my trail.

the intervening years have educated both yours truly and other members of the sunday peloton as to the sartorial demands of athletic prowess, clad as we are in sturdy jerseys sporting the names of the favoured coffee stop or a nearby village store. pads now cosset our undercarriages and we have learned the definition of the prefix bibs. however, i'm not directly convinced that we are not still viewed with a certain degree of suspicion, that may occasionally descend into ridicule. strangely it is apparently socially acceptable to shop in the local averagemarket while wearing a football jersey bearing a name across the shoulders that is most certainly not that of the wearer. yet clip clop in through the automatic doors wearing a brightly coloured jersey or jacket with three rear pockets weighed down with multi-tools, waterproof jacket and mini-pump, and it's likely that heads will turn (and not always in your direction)

inside the bank is a poster demanding that customers remove any helmets prior to approaching the counter. i have yet to verify whether that applies solely to the wearers of full-face motorbike helmets, or whether i might be invited to remove my giro, kask or poc.

however, it may also be the case that enthusiasm has a tendency to dilute any perceived opprobrium, where a sense of involvement separates us from social reality. for instance, on witnessing banners proclaiming big bobble hats during one of the european cyclocross races in the 23/24 season, i purchased a uci emblazoned example to keep my hair tidy and my ears warm. oddly, the first tentative steps onto the village main street were met with grins of joy and admiration, possibly enhanced by my protests that you had to be fully qualified to wear such headgear.

buoyed by this unexpected sense of approval has now led at least two of us to take a step further. those who delight in belgian and dutch cyclocross racing, will no doubt be aware of the x2o badkamers trofee, sponsored by a bathroom company, the logo of which is personified by a yellow fluffy duck. particularly at televised rounds of this particular cyclocross series, it is common to see hundreds of fans wearing yellow woolly hats with a blue bobble on the top, two wide open eyes on the front and a two-dimensional beak embroidered on the fold-up hem. it is the very depiction of a duck that confers cognoscenti status upon its wearer, while simultaneously encapsulating the sense of fun espoused by the sport of cyclocross.

however, the singular caveat that came to mind as i walked to work on wednesday morning, wearing one such hat acquired direct from an x2o badkamers event by a member of the sunday peloton who had the great good fortune to recently attend three belgian cyclocross races. he and i are both aware of the hat's significance, provided by our enthusiasm for 'cross, but it's plainly obvious that, to the average civilian, it's a hat with a duck's face on it and no associated means of explanation.

socialisation, it seems, is an incomplete process.

thursday 16 january 2025

virtually bizarre

the world of music has altered considerably since i first took hold of a pair of drumsticks and attempted to make a rhythmic noise on a borrowed drumset. it does me no favours to admit that i thought the bass drum simply served as somewhere to place the toms; i had no idea there was a pedal at the back, nor, indeed, that it had to be clamped to the wooden hoop. my first band session consisted of said pedal falling over at regular intervals, when i had to kick it upright once again. though drumming may have become a tad more technical in the interim, essentially the means of playing any size of drumset has scarcely altered at all.

what has changed almost beyond recognition, is the means of recording. i have relatively limited experience of studio work, most of which revolved around making short jingles for a newly constituted local radio station when in my early twenties. under those circumstances, i would simply arrive at the studio, setup my drums, express disgust that the recording engineer would stuff a blanket inside my bass drum and place his wallet on the snare, and work with that irritating click track. however, that's pretty much where the line was drawn; how the drums sounded, and how they were recorded was, for better or worse, the engineer's problem.

for someone brought up on playing live gigs all across the county, the act of sitting solo in a studio with a scratch backing track and that click was all but anathema. aside from the fact that there was no-one to blame for a drop in tempo or a less than satisfactory drum fill, there was literally no-one with whom to enjoy the act of making music. if there was a producer alongside the recording engineer, they were inevitably esnconced behind a glass window, chatting amongst themselves and leading to at least minimal paranoia on my part.

recording studios are, by and large, consigned to history. many of the great new york studios that hosted the jazz stars of the 50s and 60s have either been demolished or converted into flats. those beautiful acoustics that led to some of the seminal works still enjoyed by many, are now a distant memory. and where once reliance could comfortably be placed on the recording engineer to ensure the drums sounded like drums and not the boxes in which they'd arrived, the drummer is now almost solely responsible. many a contemporary pop or rock recording comprises the efforts of an individual sat in his or her bedroom, creating the next hit single on a macbook using apple's logic.

for the drummers of the world who attempt to earn a crust by means of their musical and technical skills, it has become customary to have a home studio and a drumset surrounded by microphones bought and paid for by said percussionist. and where once it was my responsibility only to learn how to play steve gadd's drum part for 50 ways to leave your lover, nowadays i need to know the difference between a condenser and a dynamic microphone, to what the term phantom power refers and to undertake a comprehensive online course in the intricacies of avid's pro tools. the problem, as you may have already guessed, is that we have now become individual musicians; no longer is it desirable or economically viable to host the whiole band in the same place at the same time.

should an american based guitarist inadvertently learn of my e-mail address and send me a recording by we transfer, i would then have to sit in solitary confinement recording a drum part, approval or disapproval for which would no longer be immediate. to many of us with even minimal musical ability, playing in the company of others is what music is all about, affording the ability to react in real-time.

of course, should that have become my daily metier, i feel sure that i would eagerly look forward to the weekends when i could drag my bicycle kicking and screaming from the bikeshed, and go ride in the company of friends, discussing the size of the potholes, moaning about the weather, but inevitably looking forward to a double-egg roll and soya latte at debbie's. i have, deliberately or otherwise, cycled with brian smith, sean kelly, (very briefly) mark cavendish and mark beaumont. and by that, i mean actually cycled with them. in person. right next to me. because that's what cycling is all about.

a good friend of mine has just returned from a weekend in belgium, attending three cyclocross races, and though he was not involved in riding any of the events, he was high-fived by eli iserbyt and fem van empel, nabbed an approved personal photo of laurens sweeck and been so close to wout van aert that he thinks he may have come back with some of the mud sprayed up by his cervelo. in essence, once again that's also what cycling is all about; the personal connection, where fans can often get so close to their heroes that they're likely to receive a card at christmas. and strangely enough, it's wout van aert who (probably contractually) is about to personify everything that is bizarrely wrong with the modern evolution of cycling.

van aert's team, visma lease-a-bike has a partnership with online cycling app rouvy, which is currently offering everyone in the entire world, the opportunity to ride with wout. the caveat is, of course, that the belgian will probably be on his cervelo in his living room, while the rest of us are as far distant from his rear wheel as we'd likely be were we actually to go riding with the three times cyclocross world champion. tactfully, van aert is playing his part to perfection. "Cycling has given me so much, and I love the idea of sharing that passion with fans and riders around the world. Rouvy makes it easy to connect and ride together regardless of where we are. I can't wait to see everyone on the virtual roads!"

of course, wout will never see even a portion of those who can subsequently brag they went riding with him. and other than some pixels disappearing off into an ipad screen, none of the rouvy peloton will actually see van aert. but for reasons that bear an uncanny resemblance to the emperor's new clothes, we are constitutionally required to act as if this is all quite normal and a part of everyday velocipedinal life.

but it's not.

wednesday 15 january 2025

not what you think

the mighty dave-t, doyen of islay cycling, will soon add another year to his palmares; i doubt he'd be inclined to deny that this takes him even farther north of four-score years, yet still he plies the route between port wemyss on the southwestern tip of the island, and debbie's in bruichladdich. and this despite the serious iniquities posed by the route, even along his favoured portion leading from port charlotte via the 14% gradient out of kilchiaran, all the way back to his delighful cottage overlooking the sea and orsay island. the latter is frequently employed as the return section, but the singletrack road leading along the shores of loch indaal is in a deplorable state, with possibly more potholes than actual road surface.

despite his advanced years, the mighty dave has resisted any attempt to find himself aboard an e-bike, fit and healthy enough to perambulate the above mentioned 30km loop without resorting to any form of battery or motor support.

however, following a duo of untimely punctures on his focus road bike last year, he opted to treat humself to a new bicycle, preferring to choose one of these new-fangled gravel bikes, if only to obviate any further deflationary episodes and cushion the blows from the parlous state of his chosen parcours. and despite the marketing ploys of the bicycle industry, he's probably not alone in his choice of larger rear sprockets coupled with a single chainring and wider and knobblier tyres than occupy the wheels on his focus. despite the creation of several gravel stage races, such as the three-day grit 'n' grind uci sanctioned event and the 850km, seven-day gravel burn, it seems quite likely that gravel bike sales (in the uk at least), have more to do with britain's crumbling road network, than any serious attempt to challenge mathieu van der poel's domination in this year's world gravel championship event.

personally, i have resisted the attempt to follow suit for the majority of last year, riding my cyclocross bike only on saturdays, when the option to ride a few offroad sections regularly presents itself. the sunday ride has traditionally always been carried out aboard my ritchey logic, but i have gradually become fearful for its (and my) safety on roads that, despite reputed increased spending by the regional council, are disintegrating before our very eyes. last year, the council promised the resurfacing of the road leading into and out of the village, by which most of us thought they referred to the entire top layer.

as it transpired, their ambitions were considerably less imposing. and instead of laying brand new tarmac, they simply scraped the existing tarmac from several portions of the road surface, before mixing it with bitumen acquired from a resurfacing of the airport runway and re-laying it upon the affected portions. despite great effort and time, many of the sections at the northern entrance to the village had already begun to disintegrate before they'd finished repairing the surface at the opposite end. that disintegration can be easily witnessed by the spread of loose gravel to be seen along several road junctions abutting the repaired sections.

the recent cold spell has not favoured obscure portions of roads that we would scarcely think likely to suffer from degradation. on sunday, as we turned from foreland road onto the main bruichladdich road, there was a substantial pothole in the middle of a section of surface-dressing put down far more recently than you'd like to think.

knowledge of this state of affairs is scarcely exclusive to the hebrides; the problem is undoubtedly far worse in regions all across the country, where traffic is considerably heavier than on islay. over here, by and large, we have the opportunity to avoid many of the potholes that appear in front of us. that is a luxury that the majority of britain's cyclists simply do not have, and for those who, either by choice or circumstances, continue to ride their bicycles, self-preservation is undoubtedly uppermost on their minds.

i predominantly cycle for pleasure, so since early december, the ritchey logic has been resting in thewashingmachinepost bikeshed, in favour of my perambulating the highways and byways aboard my specialized crux. though there may be a slight trade-off in speed, it's hard to deny a substantial improvement in comfort and robustness. facing islay's single track roads on even 33mm cyclocross tyres adds an intangible level of security to the sunday morning ride. though my extrapolations might be slightly wide of the mark, i'm inclined to think that there are many dyed-in-the-wool roadies who have taken advantage of the gravel fad, not necessarily because they wish eagerly to participate in a uci gravel event, or even resort to bikepacking, but simply to arm themselves against the slings and arrows of potholed tarmac.

the fact that riding a gravel bicycle is currently trendy, simply means the subterfuge is all but complete.

tuesday 14 january 2025