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le grand tour on a bike called wanda. andrew sykes paperback 370pp illus. £15

i have previously advised that i am not possessed of insatiable wanderlust, and though my early years in the hebrides were often filled with an overwhelming desire to purchase a dawes galaxy and festoon it with panniers, i fear that may have simply been an end in itself, rather than the means to an end it ought to have been. i'm certainly not an inveterate traveller; mrs washingmachinepost and i have spent the majority of our annual holidays returning to the same uk location, and my most recent trip overseas was spent aboard three aeroplanes in quick succession for a three-day trip to turkey in order to witness the launch of a calmac ferry.

at no point in either of the above scenarios were bicycles involved.

i am, however, always keen to read of the velocipedinal adventures of the more intrepid amongst our number, safe in the knowledge that any obstacles encountered along the way will either be solved or remain unsolved; either way, there will be no pressing requirement to arise from my armchair and figure a way out of whichever dilemma has interrupted the natural flow of daily proceedings. and it is not only the joy to be gained from each macro or micro detail of the journey, but from the literary manner in which they are described. this has led to the perfectly accurate accusation, that i am more likely to read a book on the subject of bicycle travel than the remote possibility that i might undertake explorations of my own.

i have, therefore, the greatest of admiration for andrew sykes, a gentleman comfortable with his own sense of adventure and more than capable of effortlessly and humorously describing that which befalls him and his bike called wanda on a daily basis. add to that admiration, mr sykes holds down a full-time job as a teacher of french at an english secondary school, fulfilling his exploratory dreams during the school holidays. frequently, the authors of such lengthy bicycle trips are reputedly self-sufficient cyclists, augmenting their pedalling activities by advertising a particular brand of adventure-ridden cycling apparel, before joining the after-dinner speaking circuit following their return.

this sixty three day bike ride leading from the hook of holland back to the hook of holland by way of calais, dieppe, paris, south to bordeaux, across to avignon, a short detour into switzerland and returning via strasbourg and cologne is eloquently described in a manner that convinces the reader that they too, are along for the ride. from the point at which andrew begins, "It was a breezy morning on July 3rd at the Hoek Van Holland. I had been looking for an iconic signpost and I had just found it." until "What I was here to see were the words emblazoned in large blue letters on each of the four sides of the square post: HOEK VAN HOLLAND. My journey was complete." total engagement is part of the deal.

riding within the constraints of the english schools' summer holiday period, the author has always to maintain one eye upon the calendar. there can be few situations quite so embarrassing as a classroom full of eager french students bereft of the man employed to teach them. and yet, le grand tour with a bike called wanda was never the cunning plan in the first place. the desired objective had originally been a cycle through japan, "...from Cape Soya north to Cape Sata in the south via the capital, Tokyo and the Olympic Games." that particular asian exploration fell victim to the covid pandemic.

france became the get out clause.

it was, the author relates, a journey repelete with alternatives. "The original plan had been to arrive in Rotterdam, turn left and cycle along the coast of the Netherlands before catching a train to the German Baltic port of Lubeck. But what if I were to turn right instead? [...] "I hadn't visited France for over 5 years. This might be an opportune time to return." the citeria, as alluded to above, was having booked his return ferry for the evening of saturday 3 september, "...exactly two months from my date of arrival." a small matter of around 5,500 kilometres. while this particular restriction must have occasionally felt like the sword of damocles, it does, perhaps incidentally, add a certain frisson to the narrative that fills the remaining pages.

with the true spirit of adventure pulsing through his panniers, the author demanded of himself that he spend as few days under a roof as possible, trying hard to end each day under canvas. though french france appears well-equipped with campsites, a wide variance in quality entailed that few days remained without the possibility of pleasant surprise or downright disappointment. there was also an additional agreement with himself to restrict alternative travel: "I would allow myself to take a maximum of ten trains a maximum of 100km each."

despite almost month's worth of daily bike rides, the book rarely, if ever, descends into repetition. how easy it would have been to simply record "got up, rode 100km, setup camp, slept. repeat." mr sykes is, however, a great deal more erudite than that. "Within a matter of minutes, the port and all of its peripheral infrastructure disappeared, as I was plunged into a very different landscape of pristine suburbia." i believe at least a part of my enjoyment of le grand tour with a bike called wanda, despite my declared lack of personal wanderlust, is the literary nature of its narrative. i cannot deny that i delighted every bit as much from the description of the journey as of the journey itself.

that, i believe, not only marks the quality of a good book, but has become a defining part of the genre. anybody (except yours truly) can ride a bike through a variety of different countries, but if it is not related in language of impressive quality, it didn't happen.

two months' worth of daily cycling through several european countries post brexit, covering 5,500km, is no small undertaking. add in the knowledge that teacher has to be back at school by monday 5 september, and there is both intrigue and expectation added to the mix. we know that he made it back to his starting point, but did andrew return to the staff room in time to say "bonjour" at the beginning of term? for a well-spent £15, you can find out on 1 may 2024.

buy a copy of le grand tour with a bike called wanda

thursday 25 april 2024