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the mighty dave t's words of the week

"gravity is a bit of a drag."

fassa bicycle protection

the bike shed, which is in a rather sorry state of disrepair after only thirty years of sterling service, has survived relentless winds and rain. it now has so many holes in it, i've had to call off my attempt to steer the first garden shed across the atlantic. in its youth, it was home to a sole colnago and a workstand, augmented by a black and decker workbench kitted out with a monster of a vice and a wheel truing stand. no matter the external conditions, i could happily lock the door behind me, switch on the light and fettle to my heart's content.

as is frequently the case in small communities, once it is discovered that you may have a hitherto unannounced ability or skill, requests are not slow in following. thus, the ability to maintain and repair a bicycle brought the need for an ever expanding array of tools as well as spare tyres of all sizes, bottom brackets, inner tubes, cables, wheels, cassettes, chains... i'm sure you get my drift. at some unrecalled point in history, the sole colnago was joined firstly by a second colnago and gradually by one or two more bicycles of a different flavour. those, not surprisingly, took up a tad more space than the shed had available. those were joined by a collection of wheels and boxes, the latter retained in order that review items might be returned if necessary.

space to swing a cat, should we have owned one at the time, became pretty much at a premium. it's a situation that persists to the present day.

unfortunately, there is now so much stuff crammed into the disintegrating woodwork, that access to the toolboard is all but permanently restricted and i confess i have scarcely caught sight of the workbench for many a long year. the most frequently used tools reside haphazardly in a a less than sturdy cardboard box just inside the shed door, and there s so much crap on the floor, it's often difficult to believe it's carpeted. in order that the bicycles (currently five) fit, they have to be angled across the width, alternating between bars up and bars down.

unfortunately, as many of you will already be aware, cramming bicycles into a shed on return from a wet and windy ride is rarely the time when due care and consideration is uppermost in the psyche, often leading to a few scrapes and scratches on the paintwork. even in times of carefulness, it only needs one to inadvertantly shift against another and yet another 'oops!' moment has transpired. thankfully, there is a ready made solution to the problem, perfectly catered for by fassa bicycle protection.

i was sent a fassa separator, a substantially-sized, waterproof, padded, lightweight foldable panel. a woven polyethylene textile, it features two lengthy velcro strips, one of which threads through the saddle rails and over the saddle before being re-attached to the panel, while the other loops round the stem. prior to doing so, however, i fitted a pair of pedal covers which loop under the crank end of the pedal and fasten at the top. this prevents the pedals from scratching the frame or componentry of any adjacent bicycles. and to protect the ergopower/sti/double-tap levers, there are two sizeable hoods that fit over even the larger hydraulic brake versions before velcro-ing together under the drop sections.

therefore, i currently have a specialized crux cossetted in the above fashion, with the separator facing towards the ritchey logic which i placed inside the door on my return from the sunday ride. no matter whether one or other shifts in the night, due to incompetence on my part, i can sleep peacefully in the knowledge that they can't hurt themselves. stunningly logical, remarkably well-made and eminently practical. and all the above ministrations can also be carried out, should you find it necessary to transport more than a single bike in a trailer or suchlike. considering what we pay for the black stuff these days, a few pounds spent on their protection is surely never too much?

and on the reasonable assumption that your footwear, at sometime or other, will bring its own share of the great outdoors, indoors, or into the car, bus, or train, a fassa shoe bag, not only protects them from the results of inadvertent chucking, but everything around them from their muddy externalities.

the fassa separator retails at £60, the lever hoods at £50 per pair, all but essential pedal covers at £45 per pair and the shoe bag is but a mere £25. fassa offers an extensive range of bicycle protection products including bike and wheel bags and even a standalone bike rack.

fassa bicycle protection

monday 10 december 2018

saddle up (or down)

years and years ago, the very nice people at macklin street's cyclefit, provided me with, of all things, a cycle fit, in order that i might proselytise, on their behalf, the benefits to be gained from being properly measured for the machinery languishing in the bikeshed. aside from their matching the power output from both my legs, the most remarkable outcome was the discovery that my saddle height, for many a long year, had been three centimetres too high. presuming this to be an error on their part (as if), i followed their instructions to the number and still reap the benefits to this day.

having a specific measurement to adhere to, from top of the saddle to centre of the bottom bracket, does tend to vary a tad depending on the shoes, pedals and cleats being used, but it's an ideal starting point that has served me well no matter which bicycle i'm riding at any given point in time. however, there's another variable there that i can but admit, has still been measured pretty much by a combination of guesswork and line-of-sight. i refer to, of course, the perceived saddle angle.

i have aften wondered why it is that seatposts are blessed with such a wide angle of adjustment, when the majority would have you either sliding forward onto the top tube or following an interesting lifetime career as a boy/girl soprano. surely the ideal is zero degrees, tilted neither forward nor backward? i believe i'd be more than happy with a seatpost that simply allowed fore and aft adjustment, but kept my saddle perfectly level. however, as a work colleague constantly reminds me, everybody's different. none of which helps me ensure that my own saddles remain perfectly level and in the interests of reviewing, i have fitted many a saddle in my time.

thus, on receiving word that, as with many a modern aspect of life, 'there's an app for that', i was more than happy to test the veracity of its claims. one or two of the peloton have thoughtfully pointed out that a spirit-level app would surely accomplish the same thing, but having used the velobuddy saddle adjust app on my ipod, there are peripheral benefits to be gained from this particular method.

once activated and ipod/iphone in place atop the saddle, a graphic of the latter acts in similar manner to the aforementioned spirit-level, while an indicator displays how far off the straight and narrow your saddle top actually is. by adjusting the seatpost to the desired setting, it's then possible to record this as a preset, making it simplicity itself to repeat the process next time round, or on a different bike and different saddle. the makers have thoughtfully provided three existing presets for city riders (+0.5 degrees), downhill riders (a rather surprising -10.4 degrees) and a mountain ride (an equally suprising +9.5 degrees).

choosing any of the above alters the display to show a static spirit-level' position overlaying a moveable one. when the latter disappears from view under the former, the adjustment is correct. this free app possibly won't garner frequent use, once all your saddles have been set, but for anyone (me), who has to do this on a regular basis, it's actually quite nifty. if you own an android device rather than ios, there's a (free) version for use with those too.

saddle adjust (android version) | saddle adjust (ios version)

sunday 9 december 2018

i'm really, really sorry about this

i end a week when i have bored you witless with incessant monologues concerning the state of what i now learn is being termed the e-sports market with yet more of the same. following yesterday's post about the peloton home cycling studio and the climbing mission as espoused by the wahoo + zwift collaboration, i am beginning to question my entire approach to cycling in the 21st century. there is every likelihood that this stance arrives as a corollary to my lack of desire or possession of a smartphone and everything that entails; since i appear to be in the minority, it is increasingly likely that it is i who is out of step (so to speak) rather than the rest of the world.

but, after pointing out yesterday that it is incumbent on even the professional peloton to ride in less than clement weather, it seems that at least a small portion of professionalism is intent on making that a thing of the past. in evidence, might i cite the latest partnership between british cycling and the now ubiquitous zwift to " deliver structured training plans to the national governing body's 146,000-strong membership.. i should make it plain that i am one of those 146,000 individuals who regularly forks out an annual membership to british cycling and i will be less than best pleased if they attempt to deliver any such structure in my direction.

i am even less enamoured with their intention to further democratise the canal path for professional aspirants with the creation of a national level virtual-reality event using zwift. this is being touted as the inaugural british cycling e-racing championships. aside from a possible conflict over just what is meant by e-racing, a classification that, in fact, has no connection with e-bikes, heaven forfend that the waters become even more muddied by competitors attaching their hacked electric bikes to a turbo trainer and (virtually) beating the shorts off the british cycling team online. perhaps the uci should introduce testing for battery misuse?

due to take place in early 2019, this new, e-racing format will comprise a series of qualifying rounds, ending in a live final between the zwift and the good of all ages. as if to underline the illogic of this manufactured situation, zwift's ceo, eric min said "wearing your country's national stripes is a huge honour, but relatively few ever get the chance to compete." now, with the aid of an ipad or flat-screen telly blu-tacked to the handlebars, anyone with a subscription and british cycling membership can ultimately rule the world (or at least a little british part of it) from the comfort of their own home cycling studio. the partnership will enable the great unwashed to cycle alongside the great britain cycling team, or more accurately, their online avatars. i'd be more than concerned as to who's going to pay for coffee and cake.

i seriously wonder just how long it will be before ned and david are commentating on a virtual tour de france, an event in which we can all join in without so much as a pixelated 'bonjour'. british cycling's commercial director commented "we are thrilled to be exploring this new territory with zwift to innovate in cycle sport." it's nice to learn that someone's thrilled. i expect shortly to receive a missive from bc headquarters announcing the demise of their integrated third-party insurance coverage in the light of it being no longer regarded as e-necessary.

but whether or not you agree with my cynicism, the most worrying aspect of all i have described above, is this british cycling statement. "their (zwift) technology and our cycling expertise will together allow communities of cyclists to get more out of riding bikes for competition and for fun." i fear that the governing body's definition of 'riding bikes' and mine differ considerably, to the point where i seriously wonder whether we're talking about the same thing. the thought of spending sunday mornings on a turbo trainer in front of the tellybox, enacting a virtual sunday e-ride is not one that fills me with glee.

you might laugh at my pessimism, but in four days' time, paralympian, steve bate, will lead a virtual group ride on 12 december at 7pm. possibly the thin end of the wedge.

what if the hokey cokey really is what it's all about?

saturday 8 december 2018

a defining moment

though probably purely of academic interest nowadays, there was a time when the definition of progressive music was pretty much up for debate. we can probably agree that bands such as yes, genesis, king crimson and emerson, lake and palmer fit the bill without too much discussion, but what of pete barden's camel, roxy music, or supertramp? do/did they measure up to the progressive definition, or were they simply bands with progressive pretensions? or maybe not progressive at all? or perhaps you have no belief in the art of pigeon-holing in the first place and are happy to listen to anything that takes your fancy; crosby stills, nash and young, for example.

but of far greater interest and importance in the here and now, is the definition of quite what constitutes cycling. there was a time when this would scarcely have merited any thought whatsoever: don suitable apparel, grab the bike from the shed and go pedal. but of late, it seems the waters have been muddied without prior consultation, almost to the point where there are misguided individuals who think they are cyclists, but -spoiler alert - they really aren't.

sets of rollers in the garage or a turbo trainer in the kitchen are all well and good. having read graeme obree's explanation as to why the latter is of the utmost importance when it comes to serious training, i am loathe to disagree on the grounds that he's a lot faster and fitter than yours truly. however, making use of either of the aforementioned instruments of torture, simply to avoid going out in what may or may not pass for inclement weather, does rather call into question the right to be identified as a cyclist.

but, if we're willing to forgive and accept endemic use of rollers and turbos as part of what it means to be a cyclist these days, there are other developments that purport to be approachable augmentation of the milieu, but in truth, are nothing but thinly disguised technology, masquerading as velocipedinal substitutes.

i have, i think, made my thoughts on the likes of wahoo kickr thingies and zwift well known to the point of boredom. and if you already own one and subscribe to the other, perhaps this would be the ideal moment to look the other way, or go do something more interesting instead. incorporated into the definition of cycling is surely the notion that it's all about the great outdoors. even the peloton professionals are subjected to the vicissitudes of climate across each season and since we are frequently guilty of attempting to emulate their every excess, to the point of team kit and expensive carbon fibre, why stop short at getting wet and windy?

if it stopped short at kickr and zwift, i daresay i could reluctantly come to terms with that corner of the cycling world, though i'd vehemently protest against their inclusion in the definition we began discussing several paragraphs above. i move that, unless it involves a velodrome, any cycling activity taking place indoors is automatically excluded. however, it now seems that there is worse to come.

over the past few weeks, i have noticed television adverts for something called peloton, featuring an apparently hi-tech indoor trainer with an internet enabled screen attached to the handlebars. clicking over to their website, the prospective initiate is greeted with the slogan 'a private indoor cycling studio in your home.'. this would push me to ask just why i would want something called a cycling studio. is this simply a 21st century moniker for a bike shed?

it would appear not.

it is possible to subscribe to peloton digital, a service that can be accessed via any online device and for more activities than simply cycling. however, the more intrepid, would-be athlete is encouraged to purchase the peloton bike, a machine that, at its most basic, will set you back a tenner less than £2,000. since the bicycles feature look delta clipless pedals, you will need a pair of bona-fide cycling shoes, no doubt implemented to encourage thoughts of being a 'real' cyclist.

however, by its very definition, the indoor bike does not go outdoors and riding it is dependent on an online spin class, either streamed live from new york city, or accessed via the (£19.49 per month) peloton membership that you had to pay for over and above the cost of the bike. according to the advertisements on the telly box, the peloton bike and subscription are available only on mainland uk, leaving more than just us hebrideans adrift, should we find ourselves experiencing a velocipedinal identity crisis. considering the classes are distributed via the interweb, i did rather wonder why this is the case, but it transpires that purchase of a peloton bike brings with it a scurrying of technicians who will personally deliver the machine and set it up to your and their exacting specifications.

presumaby these pelotonic persons are less than enamoured with a potential ferry journey.

on searching further through the peloton website, i came across a section entitled 'press', one that i figured would regale me with glowing reports from the world's cycling press. unfortunately, amongst the long list of testimonies, there is not a single title drawn from their ranks. forbes magazine, gq, mean's health, bloomberg, wall street journal and the huffington post. as i inferred in my opening statement, "it's cycling jim, but not as we know it." admittedly, two of the guest instructors are george hincapie and christian vande velde, but they probably ought to know better. i mean, do the folks in the image atop this article remind you of any cyclists you know?

cycling is about going out in all weathers, encompassing rapha's exhortation to 'ride until the road no longer looks familiar', riding with friends, being brave enough to undertake the festive 500 no matter the inclemency met along the way and lying awake at night dreaming of a week's cycling in tuscany (that might just be me, but i seriously doubt it). whatever your own definition, it really ought not to include any thoughts of a private indoor cycling studio.

at all. ever.

peloton indoor cycling

friday 7 december 2018

see sense

on a wednesday evening, after my tea, i grab my chrome industries cinelli backpack (containing a carbon fibre practice pad - you better believe it) and head off to islay's gaelic college, but a mile from the croft. because, much earlier this year, i naively agreed to teach prospective drummers at the community pipe band. due to a misunderstanding, probably on my part, i was under the impression there was a panoply of adult learners eagerly willing to be taught the arcane skills of paradiddles, ratamacues and flams. as it transpired, there were only two nine year-olds; though i've no objection to the age of learner drummers, i had hoped that there would be several of pragmatic playing age, that would seriously minimise the chances of my having to once more, don a kilt in the service of the highland bagpipe.

though everyone else seems to have seen it coming, i genuinely thought that teaching would be the only pipe band activity in which i would be involved. after several outings with a sporran and a snare drum, i realised that they were right and i was horribly wrong. do not misunderstand me, i have no major objection to immersing myself in the local community, particularly if there's a drum involved, but performing with any pipe band has a tendency to seriously curtail one's cycling time, particularly in the light of a busy summer season, just when i really, really want to be riding my bicycle.

since i do not own a motor car, i am beholden on other members of the band to transport me and drum to and from engagements. since currently they are all pipers, that means arriving well in advance of the witching hour to allow for the endless minutes involved in tuning a set of bagpipes. there then follows brief bursts of five minute playing time, followed by many hours of standing about waiting to repeat the process. let you think i exaggerate, when attending the jura music festival, i was ready for 9am to catch the 10:30am ferry to play at 11:30. additional playing added up to a total of around half an hour, yet i did not return home until 6:50pm.

now do you see what i mean?

but on winter wednesday evenings, i ride out to the college in the dark, entailing the legal requirement to fit a set of lights. the rear is always set in flashing mode, while the front light does likewise through the village, before i alter it to a bright main beam for the last portion of the journey which is completely unlit. on the return journey, the process is reversed until reaching the croft where a flashing light is most distracting when trying to pop the specialized back in the bike shed. would it not be ginger peachy if the front light did that all by itself?

currently featuring on kickstarter and well over its funding target of £30,000 is the beam front light and icon2 rear light. fitted with a forward-mounted sensor, the front light intelligently adjusts to the surrounding light, brightening when there is a dearth of street lighting, or switching to flash mode when it's bright enough to see. the beam encases a 700 lumen led, has a two to five hour runtime in solid mode and thirty hour runtime when in flash mode. it has ant+ connectivity, usb charging and is as waterproof as a front light needs to be.

if, like me, you're a tad miffed at the need to constantly adjust light modes to account for changing conditions, perhaps this is the sort of device for which it would be handy to get in on the ground floor. once again, i have helpfully and conveniently published the necessary kickstarter link below.

beam and icon lights

thursday 6 december 2018

good grief charlie brown (part 137)

following up a request from the girl who handles advertising accounts at our local newspaper, i attempted to find contact details for the isle of skye's gaelic college (sabhal mòr ostaig) by way of their website. only in the 21st century could anyone find themselves typing www.smo.uhi.ac.uk into their web browser address window in order to find a postal address. for those confused by the latter, i'm sure we all know that www is shorthand for world wide web, but that which follows scarcely advertises the information to be found after hitting the enter key on the computer keyboard.

if you've not yet fallen asleep, the smo part is the acronym of sabhal mòr ostaig, following which is a similar shorthand version of university of the highlands and islands (uhi). the letters ac determine that the website in question belongs to the academic realm and rather obviously, the last two letters place it somewhere in the uk. in case you missed it, that would be on the isle of skye.

it seems that, nowadays, each individual activity has its own language, one that has either been the result of combined thought (like jpeg - joint photographic experts group) or an accidental coincidence brought about by nerdish behaviour (twain - technology without an interesting name). though i wish to cast no untoward aspersions, i have already shortened thewashingmachinepost to an arguably more manageable twmp, following in the tyre tracks of fsa - full speed ahead and the bright lights of laser -(light amplification by the stimulated emission of radiation).

but i am a tad concerned over the contractions of the english language that have seemingly made their way into certain corners of the velocipedinal milieu, not only for playing fast and loose with missing vowels, but also for the fact that capital letters seem to be the order of the day. i can't help feeling that someone is shouting at me, and about stuff in which i really have no interest. in order that i might better illustrate that of which i speak, take a look at the following...

"All smart trainers are compatible with Zwift's virtual cycling environments, but only the Wahoo KICKR, KICKR CORE, and KICKR SNAP are compatible with the Wahoo KICKR CLIMB Indoor Grade Simulator, the world's only indoor climbing simulator. KICKR CLIMB uses data from Zwift to automatically change a bike's pitch, matching the incline shown in Zwift, and helping cyclists fully immerse themselves in the experience of virtual riding."

at the risk of repeating myself, rember the days when we simply went (outside) for a bike ride?

the quoted paragraph is excerpted from the announcement that wahoo smart indoor trainers have partnered with zwift to initiate the climb mission, a challenge that extends until december 23, giving "...athletes the chance to push themselves toward improved climbing fitness with a challenging in-game mission.". (don't you find it interesting that we've suddenly all become 'athletes'). the mission entails those who prefer not to venture out of doors attempting to garner as many feet of climbing over the roads of zwift's digital worlds, earning in-game bonuses and the chance to win even more wahoo stay-at-home cycling kit, the grand prize consisting of "KICKR, KICKR CLIMB, KICKR HEADWIND, KICKR DESK, and KICKR MAT", worth a few pounds less than £2,000.

remember the days when we simply went (outside) for a bike ride?

zwift.com | wahoo fitness

wednesday 5 december 2018

let the festivities begin

unlike mrs washingmachinepost, i am not renowned for my wholesale investment in the christmas meme. though i have mostly stopped short at the old 'bah humbug' mindset, my career choice as a 'victor meldrew' in waiting, rather mitigates against leaving tinsel and glitter in my wake across the twelve days of christmas. by way of excusing the enthusiasm displayed by my better half, as a childminder, it is pretty much a part of her job.

however, as a part of the seasonal process, i have been sucked into the whole 'christmas movie' scenario, where the advent (see what i did there?) of satellite television has made space for entire channels dedicated to the broadcast of so-called festive movies, several of which have been doing so since midway through november, if not earlier. my daughter, however, despite being a primary school teacher, has a far more rigid approach to christmas. until 1st december appears on the calendar, there are no decorations, no movies and no other in-house references to this time of year.

as soon as that date appears, all is embraced with gusto.

referring back to the christmas movies, one of the earlier examples featured, as part of the rather shaky plot, a department store window displaying a daily countdown showing the number of days until santa arrived. for no apparently rational reason, i figured it would be a wizard wheeze if i did likewise in the office window. thus, when on holiday last week, on discovering a 'calendar' of sorts, with numbered blocks to signify the days, i snapped it up. i now worry that i may be softening in the face of yuletide adversity.

but there is one aspect of christmas that i have cheerfully and enthusiastically adopted for the past eight years, an event that is every bit as much a part of the festive celebrations, as is the story behind its origination. i am, of course, talking about rapha's 'festive 500', an annual challenge taking place between christmas eve and new year's eve, as a direct result of rapha designer, graeme raeburn, riding 1,000 kilometres over the 2010 christmas period, if only to avoid having to watch re-runs of 'only fools and horses'.

that first year, there were around fifty of us who participated, a number that has grown to thousands worldwide. it's an event that has necessarily succumbed to increased codifying; in 2011, we just rode it and told rapha we'd done so, receiving a sew-on patch for our efforts. nowadays, to prove that you've ridden the necessary 500 kilometres, it's all but necessary to sign up on the ride's strava page, where digital badges will be awarded as each of the hundred kilometre milestones (?) pass. rapha's clubhouses will be running organised daily rides and there's also an accompanying apparel range, of which the ass-saver and winter hat would surely be the obvious choices.

the sew-on patch is still on offer for those successfully completing the distance by the specified date, but the more altruistic amongst us may choose to forgo this in favour of rapha donating the value to world bicycle relief. there are also daily prizes on offer for the best of social media postings and ultimately a special edition canyon ultimate bicycle for a winning story of epic proportions.

of course, it's worth bearing in mind that the festive 500 is a challenge, one that forces you out on the bicycle each day over the festive holidays, no matter the weather, to complete around 63 kilometres each time. due to the weather pattern usually experienced this far west, i have usually had to bank on at least one of those eight days being too dangerously windy to take the bike out the shed. bearing that in mind, i usually attempt to bank as many kilometres as i can on each day of pedalling. last year, all worked out in my favour and the distance was completed with two days to spare, a pleasant change from the previous year, when seriously windy weather put paid to achieving the necessary distance.

but that's the challenge.

if you've not previously participated, now's the very year to begin. i have helpfully published the link below to rapha's festive 500 page.

you're welcome.

rapha festive 500

tuesday 4 december 2018

tell them we sent you

quick mention for those intending to visit islay's shores on a bike during the summer. velo club d'ardbeg recommended coffee/tea stops - in no particular order.

club headquarters at the old kiln cafe, ardbeg distillery. excellent food as well as designer coffees with froth. the single malt is apparently just ginger peachy. open monday to saturday from easter to september, seven days from june to september.

bruichladdich mini market (debbie's cafe), a few hundred yards from the distillery. highly commended designer coffees with outside tables. we like. open all year round with a cycling wall in the coffee corner.

welcometogreatcoffee.co.uk

port mòr bistro. now that the original debbie's is run by her mum, aileen, debbie has taken over the catering franchise at port charlotte's port mòr centre, where you can have some of deb's famously wonderful coffee as well as a wide range of foodtsuffs. highly recommended.

braehouse gallery, portnahaven. sited at the entrance to portnahaven village, the gallery also offers takeway coffees and a range of cakes. there's also quite a wide range of photos, islay souvenirs and other desirable odds and bits. though you can't sit in for coffee and cake, there is a table and chairs outside along with an adjacent bicycle rack for parking.

and recently opened in islay house square, bridgend in the islay studios photo gallery, a fine selection of designer coffees are now available while you admire the surrounding imagery.

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as always, if you have any comments, please feel free to e-mail and thanks for reading.

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