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mountains according to g. geraint thomas. quercus hardback 243pp illus. £16.99

in 2008, i participated in the hot chillee, london to paris ride, an event in which twice british road-race champion and eurosport commentator, brian smith also took part. though brian and i began the ride in different groups, we ended the ride in the same one, and it is one of my enduring memories, riding on the champs elysées, alongside mr smith. however, earlier in the parcours, we had both been riding one of the event's seemingly endless ascents, in which brian had been led out by david harmon, before being let loose to compete with yours truly for the summit.

i much fancied myself as a grimpeur in those days, regularly reaching the top of the climbs before others in my group. in this case, i was once again victorious by a few millimetres, full of self-congratulation, until i looked over and realised that, while i had grovelled the last few metres in the easiest gear i had at my disposal, brian was still in the big ring. it's moments like that when you realise all of mr smith's comments about 'muscle memory', were probably perfectly true.

lets be realistic; when watching le tour, il giro or la vuelta, even the poor souls scrabbling at the back in the 'grupetto', can climb considerably better than either you or i. so when a former tour winner puts his name to the cover of a publication, with the word 'mountains', in the title, it would be a brave wannabe who poo poo'd the idea.

i confess, geraint thomas would not be the first rider i'd have thought of when considering grand tour grimpeurship. and on looking at the so-called mountains listed in the contents, i was beginning to think my suspicions were being confirmed. the oude kwaremont, cauberg, koppenberg, the cat and fiddle; i doubt any of us would be inclined to classify the foregoing as 'mountains'. big hills, certainly, really hard hills, definitely, but mountains?

secondly, this is the third in what could, conceivably be an endless series: 'the world of cycling according to g', 'the tour according to g', and now 'mountains according to g'. one can imagine a contract being fulfilled. but, i am more than pleased to report, my cynicism is not only unfounded, but completely misplaced.

thomas' knowledge of the climbs contained within the book's 240+ pages was never in doubt, but the entertaining and oft-times, self-deprecating manner in which they are described, makes this book not only a welcome publication, but one that you should seriously consider purchasing, either for yourself, or as the ideal christmas present for the cyclist in your life.

written in conjunction with tom fordyce, and aptly illustrated by bruce doscher, even if your back wheel seems glued to the road when winding ascents beckon, this is a most entertaining ride. thomas takes us back to his early years, before one-day classics and three-week grand tours were a part of the daily grind. he opens with the clamber up wales' rhigos as a junior member of the maindy flyers club at fourteen years old.

"Forget the bright lights of Port Talbot, its quaint, picturesque charms. Nothing else that happens today can ever top this."

'mountains' is divided into thematic, geographical sections, straying across belgium, france, italy, australia, monaco and austria to mention but a few. and though the author unfortunately dropped out of this year's giro d'italia, the stelvio at least would have featured on his race-plan.

"You genuinely look forward to the Stelvio, as a rider. Yes, it's a brute. Yes, you will suffer on it. But so much has happened up there, so many Giros won and lost, so many reputations made or blown away. None of us would want to finish our pro careers without having danced up those hairpins. We'd feel incomplete."

however, if the stelvio is geraint's ying, the mortirolo is definitely his yang. "Oh no. Not the Mortirolo. [...] It shows you nothing but the dark corners of your soul."

in truth, the majority of us will never climb any of these mountains or hills, despite thomas's pointing out that they are all there for the taking. unlike, as he keenly mentions, the football fan who can never play at wembley, or the formula one fan for whom monaco or monza are forbidden, unrealisable fruit. i had worried that this would form some sort of guide book, alerting me to where i should place myself on the oude kwaremont to sport a chance of winning the ronde van vlaanderen. yes, he does dish out such advice, but hardly as a step-by-step.

if i have one concern about both the book and its author, it's perhaps one too many references to golf. i mean, really; golf?

"...a green tucked between natural mounds, a tee on a cliff top, a fairway wound around a stream". golf references aside, this is actually a little gem of a book, one that can easily be dipped into now and again, either to learn, or for brief moments of entertainment. the words may not have been precisely or entirely scribed by thomas himself, but the stories are indubitably his.

"We love a moan, but we love what causes the moan even more."

'mountains according to g' is published by quercus on thursday 29 october.

wednesday 28 october 2020

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