thewashingmachinepost




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surely we're not talking about passing places again?

kilchoman distillery still room

distilleries are fascinating places, not so much for the amber liquid they produce, but for the emotions and loyalties the appear to foster. though i can honestly state that i have never sampled the finished product of any of islay's current eight working distilleries, nor that of jura to the north, it appears that those in the know, tend to have their favourites. this favouritism is likely advertised by the contents of the cocktail cabinet at home, but when on islay, fandom is more graphically displayed by way of an embroidered fleece or softshell purchased from the distillery of choice.

apparently greater emphasis is placed upon garmentage blessed by having been sourced at source, if you see what i mean.

though i have toured many an islay distillery as a part of my day job, often several times, i fail to see the fascination. yes, the various stages of distillation can provide a wide variation of mash tuns, washbacks, stills and spirit safes, but to me, they are simply a means to an end, while, for the true aficionado, each stage of the process is often seen as a glorious end in and of itself. mrs washingmachinepost has been known to point out that i'd hardly turn down an opportunity to visit colnago or campagnolo, should the opportunities arise, a contention in which she is perfectly correct. however, i'd be unlikely to do so, year after year. nor, indeed, would i be inclined to pop into every cycle factory or workshop that i happened to be passing.

they've been making single malt whisky in scotland for over 500 years and though modernity has undoubtedly intervened along the way, essentially, the amber nectar is still produced in the same way as has always been the case. and no matter what the various marketing departments tell you, everybody's making it in pretty much the same way.

when i first moved to islay, the notion of whisky tourism scarcely existed; only a single distillery on the island had created a visitor centre and offered organised tours. at least two others, including ardbeg, were not in production. though the making of whisky may not have altered in 500 years, the number of people wishing to witness that fact has increased exponentially. that has led to a substantial increase in the output from each, the building of a ninth, prospective rebuilding of port ellen and a planning application for an eleventh.

on an island comprising a large number of singletrack roads, originally built for horse and cart, the supply and servicing of those distilleries has taken its toll on the island's transport infrastructure, making us thoroughly grateful that road bike tyres have increased to an almost standard 28mm width. diminishing council road budgets have had us all seriously consider and even ride, cyclocross bicycles on sunday mornings.

however, to highlight a specific instance, the small farm distillery at kilchoman, the most westerly on islay, has recently constructed a second, larger malt floor with adjoining peat kiln, thus increasing its production quite substantially. with all the island's distilleries requiring the post distillation waste (pot ale) to be removed by tanker for disposal in the north, the single track road to kilchoman has disintegrated greatly under the weight of this increased traffic. but, allegedly with financial input from kilchoman, an appreciable stretch of the approach road has been luxuriously resurfaced with nice, shiny tarmac which veritably hums under 28mm rubber.

i seriously doubt that a few sunday morning cyclists were the prime motivation for such a grandiose and not inexpensive road repair scheme; aside from the tankers, i think it more likely the powers that be, had those endless streams of car driving visitors more in mind. that being the case, it beggars one very important question.

why the heck will they not use the passing places?

photo by armin-grewe

monday 24 september 2018

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the handlebar tapes

handlebar tape

i have previously made mention of my complete misapprehension as to the simplicity of mounting and dismounting in a cyclocross manner. having watched 'cross races online for many a long year, my original perception was that the ability to leap aboard a bicycle moving through the undergrowth was as natural as walking. this was based on seeing sven, jeremy and the boys doing so in the heat of battle without so much as a break in tempo. the action can be viewed to perfection in the pits, where the riders hand off the 'dirty' bike to a member of their crew and seamlessly clamber aboard the nice shiny one without any reduction in speed.

convinced that this was something everyone could do, i headed off to my nearest portion of cultivated wilderness to persuade the dogwalkers of the parish, that sven nys was in their midst, ready to kick ass. in reality, the only ass-kicking that took place was that of my own; attempting to leap aboard in dramatic fashion, i overshot the saddle and ended up in the ditch. prior to this, i had dismounted, but neglected to unclip the left shoe, resulting in a slow-motion, but doubtless humorous collapse in the long grass.

apparently the practice is not a natural human ability after all. at least, not for this human.

aside from performing wheelies and trackstands, two other occasional cycling skills of which i am totally bereft (actually three; i can't ride no-hands either), cycling seems a tad more natural than swimming and a darned sight more natural (and easier) than running. having had to do the latter only a matter of days ago, i can testify to the discomfort that speeds greater than walking can engender in an ageing, but honed athlete.

i seriously doubt that any innate ability to fettle and mend the modern-day bicycle is one harboured by the bulk of humanity. even car mechanics used to bring their kids' bicycles to me for attention, something for which you'd think their professional training would have more than prepared them. i stop short at attempting to tig weld or silver braze a steel bicycle frame, but i do have a modest ability to build wheels that will survive the vicissitudes of road, 'cross and mountain biking. on receiving a campagnolo eleven-speed chorus groupset from vicenza last year, affixing it to a ritchey logic frame gave no cause for concern, even to the extent of having never had need of adjusting the gears since fitting (which gives as much credit to campagnolo as it does to yours truly).

i admit, i have yet to investigate the iniquities of hydraulic disc brakes, something that does not fill me with either glee or confidence, but one bridge at a time. however, prising scarily tight tyres on or off any set of wheels is something highly featured in my armoury, along with the setting of caliper brakes and removal and replacement of campag bottom bracket bearings. i am comfortable in my own mechanical skin, so to speak.

so why, oh why, oh why can i not fit new bar tape without so many trials and tribulations, leading me to query why i even bother in the first place? it's a practice that i have carried out squillions of times over the course of my cycling career, but instead of getting better, i seem to be getting worse. this is not because i have misunderstood how the procedure should be carried out; i am perfectly well aware of what needs to be done and precisely how to do it. it's just that i never, ever seem to get it right.

the bar tape on the ritchey had survived well, but reached the stage where it was tattily scuffed in rather obvious places and in need of replacement. stripping the old stuff off was simplicity itself, but after an hour and a half, i was all for setting fire to the new tape and calling it a day. i even went so far as to watch a couple of instructional videos on youtube (i know, i know), but still the simplicity of installation escaped me. the new tape is now in place, but not anywhere as neatly as the tape on any review bikes which arrive at the croft, a fact that will irritate me greatly during my next bike ride.

at this rate, i'll never graduate as a member of the jedi.

saturday 22 september 2018

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saving the best for last

rainbow bands

on the basis that i find myself in disagreement with the application of the competitive milieu to both music and art, when time came for the original islay pipe band to accept the challenge of entering what are referred to in the pipe band words as the five majors, i excused myself from the party and went cycling instead. pipe bands are categorised predominantly in four main grades, four being the lowest and one being the top of the tree. in order to progress from one grade to the next, a band has to place well in each of those five major competitions, before repeating the process all over again the following season.

having stepped back from the competitive realm, i have very little experience of the preamble ahead of stepping into the ring to perform, but i do know that several of these 'majors' offer the bands a 'tuning park', a corralled area in which bands can tune up and rehearse the compositions chosen for the forthcoming performance. for those who know little of such matters, let me inform you that the tuning of a set of highland bagpipes is often a lengthy and painful affair, particularly if you're a drummer, though the latter are scarcely excused from the trials and tribulations of the tuning process.

should any particular piper experience unresolvable difficulty in having the pipe drones achieve perfect parity with each other, or the chanter be deemed of less than perfect pitch, the pipe major is likely to tap the unfortunate owner on the shoulder, simultaneously indicating the adjacent coach park. similarly, it is necessary for each and every snare drum to be within a hairsbreadth of the pitch identified as necessary by the leading tip. the vicissitudes of modern-day kevlar drumheads often mitigate against a few last minute tweaks with an oversized drum-key. those failing to make the cut will find themselves accompanying any hapless pipers to the coach park.

such callousness on behalf of the pipe major and lead drummer are generally accepted as being in the very best interests of the band; in order to achieve maximum points, a band should not only march onto the field with its finest players, but with instruments as close to perfection as it's possible to attain on the day.

you would hope, perhaps, that a similar set of circumstances would be applied to the national team selected for the road cycling world championships taking place in innsbruck next weekend. in the following monologue, i wish to cast no aspersions on the competitive qualities of scott bicycles, pinarellos and the like. nor, indeed, do i wish to undermine the competitive abilities of the selected members of the team. however, the clue is in the event's title: the world road racing championships, a title that presupposes the fight for the rainbow bands will be eked out by the sport's finest cyclists.

concerning myself solely with the british team, mostly on the basis that it's effectively the team of my country and also the fact that i'm less than well-informed as to the composition of the others, i find myself feeling just a bit let down. it is but mere days since i was cheered to point out that for the first time in history, a single nation has provided three different winners of the season's grand tours: chris froome, geraint thomas and simon yates. based on this knowledge, it would not be unseemly, i think, to expect those three to feature in our national team for the worlds.

yet only simon yates, winner of the recently completed vuelta espana, has seen fit to accept the challenge. both thomas and froome have cited particularly 'brutal' seasons as their reason for spending sunday morning having breakfast in bed, but simon yates featured highly in a hard-fought giro d'italia, ultimately won by froome as well as taking victory in spain. froome rode the tour de france, but opted not to visit spain. thomas, though victorious in paris, competed in neither the giro nor the vuelta. thus both yates and froome outnumber the welshman two to one, but only yates will attempt to taste the rainbow.

if the world championships is intended to produce the best rider in the world (if such a thing actually exists), should it not be raced by the best riders in the world? and if thomas and froome have each won a grand tour this year, should we not consider them to be amongst the best in the world? if the uci truly wish to emulate formula one motor car racing, ought not it be a pre-condition that the winners of certain races (the five monuments and the grand tours, for example) are honour-bound to take on the world road racing championships, if for nothing other than national pride?

the punishment for non-participation should be two hours in the middle of the tuning park at the pipe band world championships. that will certainly provide the ultimate definition of the word 'brutal'.

friday 21 september 2018

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quest for the holy grail

humber parisienne

it may or may not surprise you to know that there is such an organisation/website as cymbalholics, constituted to serve individuals (such as yours truly) who have a great deal of difficulty in refraining from purchasing far more cymbals than are actually necessary for percussive practice. oddly enough, it's not the shiny metal factor that entices my often incautious spending (never, i might add, to the point of financial destitution), but what might be termed the quest for the holy (sonic) grail. assuming you're willing to scutter about on youtube, search, if you will, for any recording by miles davis featuring a young tony williams and listen to the great man's ride cymbal.

those were originally zildjian cymbals, but more recently, cymbal manufacturers istanbul mehmet, painstakingly recreated a replica set of tony williams' cymbals after his widow took the original set to their foundry to allow direct comparison. of course, the sound is hardly the whole deal; only tony williams could elicit that sound, in much the same way as owning a yellow pinarello will not necessarily win you the tour de france.

humber poster

the trouble with this situation is that, having admired the sound of just such a set of cymbals, click on an itunes album, or yet another youtube video and suddenly another quest begins. i mean, have you ever heard the sound of jack dejohnette's sabian ride cymbal, particularly with keith jarrett's trio?

my own preference, until recently, has been for italy's ufip cymbals, instruments that are unique in their manufacturing technique. generally speaking, quality cymbals are crafted from a cast alloy, originating as a flat disk before having the bell stamped in the centre and lathing the outer bow. ufips are 'rotocast'; the molten alloy is poured into a rotating mold, replete with bell shape. the logic behind this method is that the centrifugal forces will drive any impurities towards the edge, a part of the raw cymbal that will subsequently be trimmed off and that the bell will be formed as an integral part of the cymbal.

however, knowledge of all the foregoing did not stop me purchasing a set of armand zildjian cymbals, complete with matching cymbal bag, offering sounds that are entirely different from the italian job. and quite frankly, they're cymbals that i didn't really need. hennie kuiper's raleigh oh, yes, i can justify it to myself by arguing that the particular sounds they offer are ideally suited to the sixties and seventies based gigs that i frequently play in a local hostelry. but let's not kid ourselves; i could put dustbin lids on my cymbal stands and the regular friday night patrons of said hostelry would scarcely notice the difference.

that said, there's every likelihood that i'll buy another cymbal or two in the near future in my continued quest for that sound.

i am not, however, naive enough not to realise that a similar modus operandi affects both my equals and betters, even within the velocipedinal realm. there are always going to be those who scour the web pages of ebay and the auction houses of the world for cycling paraphernalia and mechanica to add to a growing collection, either deliberately or as a result of a quest similar to that outlined above for the holy grail of cymbal sounds. and, in a selfless quest to satisfy those thus afflicted, i'm more than happy to draw your attention to a small sale of cycling artefacts through the auspices of gorringe's online auction house.

raleigh poster

perhaps the most attractive item in this four lot sale is a french parisienne humber 'special' road racer bicycle, originating from around 1896, expected to realise a price of between £1800 and £2500. the bicycle features all its original equipment, including toeclips and a chain stamped 'perry's humber'. the bicycle is thought to have been made as a special order. there are three further lots consisting of a parisienne humber poster (£400 - £600), one of hennie kuiper's offical team raleigh bicycles from 1976, complete with the original build sheet (£1500 - £2000) and finally a raleigh poster featuring reg harris taking victory from arie van vliet in the 1954 cologne world championship. the latter is expected to fetch between £400 and £600.

if any of the foregoing strikes you as the very items to stick in your stamp album, click the link below. the auction takes place on 25 september. and if you see any nice cymbals while you're there, you know where i am.

gorringe's cycling auction

thursday 20 september 2018

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cycling lôn las cymru richard barrett. cicerone press paperback. 124pp illus. £11.95

cycling lon las cymru

wales and cycling could reasonably be described as one of those hand-in-glove situations, following geraint thomas' victory in this year's tour de france. this is not to suggest that the country has been left derelict when conversation turns to velocipedinal matters, but after prince bradley and froomey, at least the emphasis has moved a tad west for a change. but, just as wearing a pair of specialized peter sagan shoes will scarcely make you eligible to wear the rainbow bands, neither will a potter about the lanes of cymru prepare you for those three weeks in july.

thankfully, for us mere mortals, cicerone press are not noted for their sporting excesses, happy to remain more concerned for the geographical well-being of the more average touring cyclist. author and cyclist, richard barrett has produced a compact and bijou volume detailing, as evinced by the book's subtitle, '250 miles through the heart of Wales on traffic-free paths and quiet roads'. a far cry indeed from the cobbled streets of the champs elysées.

cycling lon las cymru

this beautifully illustrated and detailed guide does not, however, require that the average cyclist, as mentioned above, attempt to swallow each and every one of those 250 miles in one fell swoop. rather than place hitherto unheard of demands upon the more casual cyclist, barrett has split the distance into five considerably easier stages, leading from the start in cardiff and ending farther north in holyhead. as is frequently the case with cicerone guides, options abound; there is really no need to undertake the stages in the order prescribed by the author, or, for that matter, to ride all of them during one visit.

after all, geraint might be busy elsewhere that week.

the best bits of a cicerone guide, in my opinion, are contained within the opening pages, the portion of the book that prefaces any impending cycle tour. in this particular case, pages 8 and 9 offer a highly informative map displaying the route in its entirety, with corresponding distances appended along the way. and a matter of ten or so pages later, there's a diagrammatic rendering of railway stations adjacent to lôn las cymru, should you wish to jump from here to there, without turning a pedal (so to speak).

cycling lon las cymru

to aid in the planning of any such cycling trip, with times based on an average cycling speed of 16kph, barrett has provided colour coded suggested schedules based on four, five, six and seven day expeditions. he also points out that the very existence of lôn las cymru can be laid at the door of the unwitting richard beeching who, in the early 1960s, recommended the closure of one-third of the uk's railway network. some of those former rail routes have subsequently found themselves absorbed into the national cycle network, along which portions of lôn las cymru will take the intrepid cyclist.

cycling lon las cymru

lest you have thoughts of your trammeling across wales leading to your becoming the next geraint thomas, the author smartly disavows you of that notion by advising that you 'Leave your best carbon frame and carbon wheels at home.' and subsequently that you 'Attach a bell, which is essential for negotiating pedestrians on shared-use paths.' however, it is not solely cycling matters that are uppermost in his mind, publishing as he has, a list of 'Ten (culinary) specialities to try when in Wales'.

the routes themselves feature not only step by step directions to ensure you enjoy your ride and the scenery, without ending up in deepest yorkshire due to a wrong turning. these are peppered with box-outs describing aspects of the surrounding area that you may find interesting. there is nothing worse than returning home to discover that you'd missed some (or all) of the more notable points of interest.

it's perhaps a mite late in the year to be setting out on a 250 mile adventure, the length and breadth of the welsh nation, if only because the weather may not offer the succour you'd hoped for. however, it's never too early to start planning next year's cycling trip.

cycling lôn las cymru

wednesday 19 september 2018

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a victory of sorts

simon yates

several years ago, two lads on holiday on islay and staying at the youth hostel in port charlotte cycled round to my humble abode that i might inflate the tyres on one of the bicycles. i'd like to point out that in the majority of cases, i would have told them to take care of such a task by themselves, but in this case, the fellow's mini-pump seemed inclined to mangle the portion of the presta valve that has to be unscrewed to allow the measured ingress of air. my park tool track pump features an altogether less invasive chuck, hence the reason why i had volunteered my services.

as i bent down at the wheel to attempt a straightening of the valve before attempting to inflate the tyre, the two fellows were discussing the previous night's football match. at the time, i thought they were doing so with each other, but it transpired that they were, in fact, enquiring what i had thought of both the match and the final score. it would be central to your understanding of this situation, if i point out that i have no interest in football/soccer whatsoever, hence my paying little attention to the conversation taking place above me (in both senses of that phrase).

it was only a slight alteration in tone and a more querying manner that alerted me to the fact that they were actually asking me and not each other. for it seems that, even in the 21st century, the assumption is still that, if you're a bloke, you must be interested in football, eager to point out the foibles of the recently signed centre-forward and the manifest failings of the goalkeeper, transferred at great expense from real madrid (i think i've got that right). but it's apparently not what you might refer to as a transferable situation.

as evidence for the latter, i might relate a trip into the big city of bowmore one saturday afternoon earlier this year in order to purchase my weekend newspaper. it seems that the scottish rugby team had been well and truly drubbed by the opposition, for a friend of mine was bemoaning this very fact when i bumped into him outside the average market. on the way to this unexpected meet, i had passed two gents for whom the news that their favourite football team were losing by at least a couple of goals was making a less than welcome intrusion into their saturday afternoon.

yet on that very day, the british cyclocross contingent at the 2018 world championships had taken top honours on the junior women's and junior men's podiums, news of which the above mentioned individuals seemed totally oblivious. and, surprisingly to me, were scarcely cured of their own disappointments when informed of these admirable sporting successes. it will not surprise you to know that none had ever heard of cyclocross. football and rugby were (and are) both the centre and slightly left of centre of the uk sporting universe, often accompanied by cricket and golf.

so, this morning, when i sprang enthusiastically into the office, i was ready and willing to appraise all and sundry of the momentous fact that this year's three grand tours had not only been won by british riders, but three different riders, one of whom did not ride for team sky. as you will have been made perfectly aware by now, this is the first time in the history of the universe that the giro d'italia, le tour de france and la vuelta have been won by a single nation, with three different riders; the fact that it was britain that acheived this notable record only makes it more worthy of approbation. guilty as i usually am of engendering conversations regarding velocipedinal matters, i remained uncharacteristically silent on the matter, in the hope that one of my colleagues would see fit to point it out.

in that respect, it was a long, silent day.

this news was deemed important enough to reach page four in monday's guardian newspaper (yes, the very same newspaper that remained oddly silent on the recent tour of britain). according to a quote from a british cycling fan interviewed by the guardian "What we're seeing today is unique and I think it's being a bit missed in the UK. It's three Grand Tours and three different British riders. It's just remarkable." i'd love to say that it's a fact that has brought a subtle, yet smug grin to my disposition, but oddly enough, looking in the mirror, it more accurately resembles that of despair.

tuesday 18 september 2018

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