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one more thing...
depending on your level of obsessive compulsive disorder, the time taken for the preflight bicycle check prior to the grand départ will vary. the lengthiest part for yours truly is the ritual cleaning of the chain, though if i happen to be in the midst of an organisational period, that would have taken place on return from the previous day's ride. otherwise, it's the usual checking of the brakes, tyre pressures, straight bars and, importantly, whether i can clip in and unclip from the pedals. the latter may seem like an oddity, but i once had a pedal bizarrely snap the tension spring and lock the cleat in position. (thankfully, i made it to debbie's where i'd to take my foot out the shoe.)
this attention to detail gains greater importance at this time of year. were it not for my obsessive cleaning of the chain, on one of the early years of the festive 500 i would probably have come a tad unstuck at one of the more remote corners of the island. i found a crack on one of the chain sideplates. during the recent holiday break, the temperatures in the hebrides have been scarcely above five degrees; add windchill to the equation and stopping for almost any reason would undoubtedly have led to cooling very quickly.
but it's not only the bicycle that needs to form part of the checklist; whatever tools you might carry with you are also worth taking more than a cursory look at. the multi-tool in my saddle pack had essentially seized due to having remained untouched for many a long month, yet having experienced all manner of weather conditions. there's not much point in having the very allen key for the job if it proves impossible to open it outwards. and i learned the hard way about removing the dustcap from an inner tube prior to stuffing it in the saddle pack. the very time i needed a tube to bail me out, it transpired that the sharp end of the valve stem had worn a very small hole in the rubber due to the constant vibration over time.
that's the real reason that valves have dustcaps.
as time goes by, however, progress conspires to reputedly outdate a number of aspects of velocipedinal life that we have long since taken for granted. only this past weekend, tnt sports commentator, oli beckinsale claimed that electronic gears had made it so much easier to change gears than had been the case with mechanical shifting. personally, i can't see how pressing a button is that much different than pushing a lever, but he then went on to point out that after a crash, an electronic rear mech can move into safe mode, protecting the component, but compromising the ability to change gear. in a cyclocross race, that usually means a slower ride to the pits for a change of bike; for you and i, that would mean a visit to the bike shop.
one of the more recent high profile additions to the cyclist's mobile tool kit has been the emergence of electronic pumps. roughly the size of a cigarette packet, though a bit heavier, these devices offer to remove at least a part of the inconvenience of a puncture. replacing the tube, or plugging the hole in a tubeless tyre is often the easy bit; re-inflating a road tyre to a suitable pressure is often a step too far with even the best of today's mini-pumps, fatigue usually resulting in having to settle for around 60psi in order to make it home. electronic pumps efficiently (if noisily) remove all of that effort.
but just like the bar-mounted gps unit, electronic gear systems and lights, the electronic pump also relies on having a fully-charged battery. depending on the model and the size of tube that needs inflating, one of these little devices can fulfil its purpose one, two or even three times without recharging. but if the battery level indicator is only at two bars instead of three, is that enough? would it not be better to ensure it remains at three bars prior to each bike ride?
i confess i have been much impressed by the tenacity of the battery in my cycplus pro max pump; until this weekend, the level has remained at three since the early part of this year, and i have tried valiantly to remember and check prior to each ride. but on saturday morning, the battery level had reduced to two lights. as mentioned, i'm unsure just how much leeway this would allow on a cyclocross tyre running at 38psi. probably more than sufficient, but i like to ensure that i could inflate two inner tubes just in case. so on saturday, i left the cycplus behind and popped a standard mini-pump in that rear pocket.
except i forgot to recharge when i returned.
as luck would have it, the weather on sunday gave pause for thought. snow, ice and the possibility that the council may not have gritted some of the affected roads, led to discretion being the better part of valour; stay home and watch world cup cyclocross from zonhoven.
as a fully paid up acolyte of ned ludd, i continue to have no truck with electronic gears, but i do have a garmin and front and rear lights which accompany me on each and every ride, as well as the cycplus. the garmin displays the battery level, but neither of the lights do so, making it the sole responsibility of the rider to make sure their perpetual flashing will last the length of the ride. now there's also the pump.
to quote the late steve jobs "just one more thing..."
monday 5 january 2026
..........................................................................................................................................................................................................user friendly
as we enter the foothills of 2026, i remain without a smartphone. this is a deliberate choice and one that, for me at least, provides a bit of a conundrum. ever since the launch of the iphone in 2007, the online world has been highly persuasive in its encroachment, quite possibly to the detriment of society as a whole. within the close-knit community in which i live, there are very, very few without a mobile device. and just like the rest of the world, people walking, driving, conversing, coffeeing or dining while often unconsciously tethered to their phones, is almost unworthy of remark.
well aware of the mantra 'there's an app for that', i fully expected that, by now, i would have had to acquiesce, bite the bullet and order myself an iphone from the apple store. however, the more ubiquitous the smartphone has become, the more stubborn and determined i find myself to remain phone free. no doubt there are many everyday tasks that would be made a smidgeon easier were i to have immediate access in my back pocket. but everytime i pay a visit to my local (sole remaining) bank, i am usually advised that i could have accomplished whatever it is i have asked, by acquiring 'the app'. quite frankly, that's like turkeys voting for christmas; don't these people realise that were we all to indulge in online banking, they would be out of a job?
one member of staff has been employed in the same bank since she left school over twenty years ago. yet she's one of the most vociferous fans of the app.
the situation is, of course, a perfect example of a self-reinforcing philosophy. as each local branch closes, the parent company throws its hands in the air and asks "what are we supposed to do?". they claim, quite rightly, that fewer and fewer customers are setting foot in their bricks and mortar buildings, preferring to bank online. to a certain degree, that's a bit of an untruth, for in every case, the bank itself has encouraged more and more to adopt online banking, by making certain features only available via this method. my own bank once recommended thoughts of taking out an isa, yet the only means of doing so was to setup online banking, something i prefer to avoid.
i am continually told just how easy it is to operate, but in my experience, anything that is "very easy" to accomplish, is also "very easy" to get wrong. i prefer to place my trust in those who have been trained in that vocation.
it is, however, unfair of me to target only the banks; modern-day commercialism has seen the word 'service' used as a euphemism for the acquisition of more money for the coffers. when i recently queried my electricity supplier why it had proved necessary to increase the standing charge, they claimed it was the increasing cost of supplying electricity to my home. yet, as soon as ofgem allowed them to increase their electricity prices, the standing charge was reduced.
though i would scarcely aim the same criticism at the world's bicycle manufacturers, who could presumably improve the bottom line by manufacturing something other than bicycles, there is a parallel sense of encroachment of values that don't always align with those of their potential customers. it is probably quite common for the early weeks of january to foster thoughts of looking at new bikes, if only due to the preponderance of sales reductions. many of you will be of similar mind to myself; i certainly don't need a new bike, but that rarely stops me looking. and i'm not altogether sure that i like what i see.
the flurry of cyclocross activity over the festive period has only bolstered my enthusiasm for the sport, one in which i have never participated, nor ever likely to, but that hasn't prevented thoughts of replacing my eight year-old specialized with something new and shiny. but at this point i find myself in the same predicament as i've found with the deliberate avoidance of a smart phone. like many, i am entirely responsible for the maintenance of my bicycles, predominantly due to the lack of a local bike shop, and the considerable distance between me and the nearest mainland retailer/service centre.
thankfully, so far, i have had no issues with hydraulics, though the day can't be too far away. however, my reticence to adopt any form of electronic gears, has retained the simplicity of replacing a cable, something i can manage without recourse to a youtube video. but all the cyclocross bicycles viewed recently, have adopted electronics from either shimano or sram, and added insult to injury by stuffing all the cables and hoses down the front of the headtube to maintain the sleek, aero look that bears all the hallmarks of form over function. i am not immune to the aesthetic, but well do i know that i am scarcely in a position to drop the bike in at a local shop to have maintenance carried out on such unecessary complexity, relieving me of a small fortune in the process. but ridley, stephens, trek, specialized and numerous others are well down that particular rabbit hole.
i have, therefore, looked to tom ritchey to solve my problem; the ritchey swiss cross still offers external cable routing, but doesn't offer a complete bicycle. that could potentially play to my wheelhouse, allowing me to eschew electronics by choosing a campagnolo mechanical groupset. however, i have become inured to the joys of a single chainring, something that even vicenza offers solely on its thirteen-speed wireless super record, and at a cost that would allow me to purchase an entire trek boon 'cross bike. i know that i'm being obstinately hard to please, but i also know that the cycle manufacturers spent no time at all surveying the possible requirements of their customers. however, since almost all have followed each other like sheep, it has become very much a case of take it or leave it.
i'm sure i should be thankful that there are still those who class part of their range as cyclocross bikes, when the majority simply build road bikes with greater tyre clearance and call them gravel bikes. cyclocross does not require 44 tooth sprockets, nor 40mm tyres at point of purchase, meaning not inconsiderable expense to replace following delivery. a 'cross bike has always been a tiny niche spot in what is hardly a huge market in the first place, a spot that has been further dimished by gravel. but even for those who may desire a new road bike, things are scarcely any different; just because tadej or jonas ride one, doesn't mean it's ideal for you. they have spares, they don't have to pay, they have to ride on whatever they're supplied and there's an entire truckload of mechanics and spare parts to keep things shiny.
quite likely, i will have to capitulate somewhere along the line, but why has it become so difficult to be difficult?
sunday 4 january 2026
..........................................................................................................................................................................................................comfort and joy
around my third attempt at the festive 500, i realised that, when i awoke each morning, instead of it being my legs that were suffering, it was actually my forearms and shoulders. it took only a matter of minutes to realise that it was probably the poor road conditions that were bouncing me all over the place, particularly at the end of each outing, when i had noticeably tired.
at that point, the road tyre revolution had yet to take place; we were still all on 700x23 rubber, because that's what the pros rode, and that's with what the frames were built to cope. so, once again attempting to hit two birds with one stone, i contacted madison, which was, at the time, the uk distributor for ridley cyclocross bikes, to ask if i might borrow one over the festive period to undertake my festive 500 on wider, softer rubber and investigate whether such a change might prove less strenuous.
i'm happy to say that the 'experiment' worked. though my overall speed was expectedly reduced due to the tyres' increased rolling resistance, subjectively, i felt a smidgeon less shattered by new year's eve. of course, as a reputedly hardened roadie, there would have been eternal shame had i continued in this vein, so the following year, it was back to the road bike. my 'experiment', in the days before the commercialisation of gravel, bore results that extended a tad wider than simply the shores of the hebrides, given the parlous state of many roads across the kingdom.
and things haven't improved since.
continuing as a hardened roadie is a great deal easier these days with, i believe, the undercutting of untrammelled shame having been extended as wide as 40mm, but without the luxury of ownership of one of today's all-road bicycles, i am confined to 28mm on the ritchey logic, but with the option of 33mm challenge chicanes on the specialized crux cyclocross bike. at the end of a year that hasn't been without its health challenges, and the knowledge that i am twelve months older than last festive season, i opted to undertake my 2025 festive 250 entirely aboard the specialized, incorporating a daily kilometre or two of grassy offroad just because i could.
the relative comfort with which those 250 kilometres were covered has certainly given much food for thought. the roads of islay, despite the millions of pounds of alcohol duty emptied into the treasury from the distilleries, continue to get worse. several lengthy stretches have remained without white centrelines or white edge lines for close on a year, while the roads department struggles with an ever increasing number of potholes, and a budget that will, quite frankly, never ever cope at present levels. for those who might query, regional roads are a devolved issue, but the alcohol duty is paid to westminster, revenue that it's very unlikely to renounce.
currently, remaining aboard the crux is the planned strategy for at least the remainder of january, almost entirely due to the condition of islay's roads; a problem that surely affects a majority of uk cyclists. one or two of my sunday morning colleagues have opted to ride gravel bikes as their main choice, leaving the road bike for the (very) occasional, dry sunny day. purely from anecdotal evidence, i doubt i'm alone.
gravel bikes are no longer just for gravel.
saturday 3 january 2026
..........................................................................................................................................................................................................half time
following ten years of attempting the annual festive 500, in 2020, i figured it was time that i excused myself from being a festive social pariah, and reduced the distance involved across the eight days of the challenge. i could, perhaps, have gone cold turkey, and simply withdrawn from any regular form of cycling altogether over christmas, but i still enjoyed the cycling, just not the compulsory nature of the 500.
five hundred kilometres over the course of eight days, arithmetically works out at 62.5km each day, though as i have pointed out on several occasions, islay's general weather patterns in late december frequently entailed at least one day lost to meteorological conditions, thus increasing the daily kilometreage to just over 70km per day. with brief reference to yesterday's monologue, no matter how fast i'd like to think i am, the reality is often substantially different. so, to accomplish such daily distances necessitated arising at around 8am, consuming a healthy breakfast and head out on the day's parcours even before the sun has arisen above the horizon (always assuming the sun appears at all). even if i unwillingly accept that my average speed hovers around 20kph, and allowing at least 30 minutes for lunch at debbie's, we're probably looking at around four hours each day, just to achieve the singular (selfish) task of reaching those 70 kilometres. factor in a remedial shower and mrs washingmachinepost had effectively become a cycling widow at the very time of year that society tells us is for family.
unfortunately - and you can deny it if you want to, but i'd think about it for a moment before you do - our habitual obsession with cycling and the endless desire to satisfy it frequently wins over 'doing the right thing'. so, even though i felt somewhat out on a limb within the intangible velocipedinal society i thought myself to be a part, i convinced myself that attempting a festive 250 might be an acceptable option. in my particular case, i have the great good fortune that the distance from the croft to debbie's in bruichladdich coincides very closely with the daily distance that would have me reach 250km in eight days. so i could ride the same parcours day in, day out, consume a double-egg roll and a soya latte for lunch, and ride home, not only fulfilling two needs (cycling and lunch), but gained a few more brownie points than the 500 ever did.
as of an hour or so after lunch today, i've completed those 250km without a single complaint from mrs washingmachinepost, though following that with the traditional new year's day ride might undermine all that i feel i might have gained acrosss the previous eight days.
those who have the tenacity to ride all 500 kilometres (some who seem to have completely missed the point, undertake to do so at a single sitting) have my congratulations, but not my envy. this year's festive holiday has been absolutely glorious weather-wise; freezing cold, but mostly clear blue skies. when the weather's like that, islay is the best place in the world to be, whether you're cycling or not. due to my advancing years, i can envisage a time when even the 250km will be reduced, but thankfully, i don't see a time when it'll stop altogether.
and for that, i am eternally grateful.
wednesday 31 december 2025
..........................................................................................................................................................................................................reality bites
for all that cycling apparel purveyors and cycle manufacturers are intent on persuading us (not always with great subtlety) how close are we to fraternising with the professional classes, it takes only a cursory glance at the numbers on our garmins to realise just how far from the truth is that proposed notion. during the 'cross events in dendermonde on sunday, the average speed was disturbingly close to 30kph, on a tight course, filled with obstacles that scarcely appear on the average country or urban road, on a parcours that was frozen solid other than a few centimetres of thawed mud on the corners. though i can hardly be thought of as the poster boy for velocipedinal speed, my sunday ride on a reputedly less troublesome parcours was greater than ten kilometres an hour slower.
as a rider of advanced years, i do not class myself as on parity with those of lesser age, but, on average, even they are never likely to see that tread on mathieu's or wout's rear tyres.
if i might take rapha as one example, note that their principal range is entitled the pro team, excluding many from its sales statistics, due to apparently having been tailored for those with less than 10% body fat. similarly, those online cycle ranges, where the prices rapidly increase depending on the nomenclature applied to the illustrations.
to take specialized, as an example, if the downtube features the lettering 's-works', there will be little change to be had from £12,000, with all thus named, featuring professional-level groupsets, convincing the purchaser of a sporting prowess commensurate with the likes of roglic or evenepoel. move downwards a few rungs and s-works is replaced by specialized, but with the word pro appended online to assure those without the bank balance to acquire an s-works, that their choice in no way diminishes their abilities or aspirations. those at the foot of the ladder have a choice of comp or sport. of course, once again, money is at the root of the problem; a well remunerated friend of mine purchased a top of the range bicycle from specialized, despite abilities that would scarcely have enabled him to lead the velo club sunday peloton.
but bicycle and apparel companies have bills to pay too.
and that's where sports psychology makes an unfortunate body swerve, particularly when the holidays arrive. up until yesterday, i had ridden my 'cross bike every day since christmas eve, eve, intent on continuing the trend through until at least new year's day. but on awaking on monday morning, it occurred to me to ask why? after six days of daily pedalling activity, admittedly over less than strenuous distances, and in unseasonally calm, sunny weather, was it not better to actually take a holiday, read my daily newspaper, have lunch with mrs washingmachinepost, watch the cyclocross from loenhout and perhaps even practise a paradiddle or two?
i'd be the first to agree that, in the contexts outlined above, the word 'pro' is more an attitude of mind than a signature at the foot of a contract. but i think it's quite possible that such an attitude is one specifically cultivated by members of the industry intent on having us clad in the emperor's new clothes and aboard the emperor's new bike.
the choice, aas they say, is yours.
tuesday 30 december 2025
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