..........................................................................................................................................................................................................
the festive resolve
here we are, only days into the final month of the year and already there are christmas trees in front windows and saturday eve saw the official switiching on of the lights in bowmore village. mrs washingmachinepost has already informed me that one of the christmas trees (yes, apparently we have two. who knew?) will have to be retrieved from the spare room in the next day or two before i can hang my cycling kit on the clothes horse to dry in time for next weekend's velocipedinal excursions.
out of all the months of the year, december arrives with the greatest amount of associated baggage, not solely confined to trees and decorations. one of our compact and bijou peloton called in sick yesterday morning after imbibing in a few more diet pepsis than was strictly necessary at the office christmas party on saturday night. and i'm sure he won't be the last to do so. then there's those office secret santas, with their comcomitant what-the-heck-do-i-get-for-whatsisname? situations to keep you awake at night.
i'm happy to go along with the 'tis better to give than to receive maxim and it would be somewhat irresponsible to portray december, christmas and hogmanay as being features at year's end that one ought to make strenuous efforts to avoid. for, aside from the mince pie ride (sunday 17 december, since you ask), there's an annual cycling challenge that i don't mind admitting, is one of the high points of the year.
according to rapha, the initial festive 500 in 2010, one year after designer graeme raeburn had ridden an impressive 1000 kilometres during his christmas break, attracted a grand total of 84 participants of which i was one. somewhere, in a drawer in the bedside table, i have a woven patch to prove it. the festive 500 has gained a modicum of popularity in the intervening six years; last year a total of 82,000 took part worldwide.
it isn't quite what it was, however, though that's not intended as a criticism. in year one, the woven patch was the sole prize for those of us who risked the wrath of her/him indoors by "just nipping out for a few kilometres" between christmas eve and new year's eve. in 2017, rapha suggest that participants ought to register their interest via the web page listed below and record their distances on strava and by way of film and photos. last year's prize, apart from the ubiquitous woven patch, included a visit to steamboat springs in colorado to collect a customised moots bicycle. almost worth having a strava page for.
almost.
along with the ideal opportunity to work off any excess consumption of food and drink over the so-called festive period, as well as avoiding the need to watch endless sitcom repeats on telly, riding 500 kilometres in eight days is a challenge worthy of all of us. perhaps even more so for those who are almost always going to lose at least one day to the weather. last year, that, combined with playing at a wedding midweek, contrived to have me fail to reach the target distance for the first time since 2010, only managing a paltry 320km.
so this year i have closure to achieve, revenge to seek and those last 180km to accomplish, though i've no intention of adding them onto this year's total. for me, that's the whole point of the exercise; it's a challenge and not every challenge can be completed, despite being approached with the very best of intentions. so if the thought of strava, registration and the need to document every last kilometre seems a tad overwrought, then just ignore it all and get on with the cycling.
i know full well that rapha will totally understand. believe me.
monday 4 december 2017
..........................................................................................................................................................................................................power struggle
allegedly, the prevailing wind for scotland's west coast is that of the ubiquitous south-westerly, but probably as a result of the justifiably much-maligned climate change, that's probably not quite as true as was once the case. over recent days, the wind, such as it is, seems to be blowing in from the arctic, which would no doubt explain snow atop the paps of jura since thursday morning. that's my long-winded way of telling you that "hey baby, it's cold outside".
over recent decades, the velo club have had great opportunity to practise echeloning both as a group and individually on the way to debbie's at the end of each sunday ride. honouring every last word of rule #5, we have strengthened those thigh muscles to chris hoy proportions, throughout any conditions the weather chooses to throw at us. yet even with the wind blowing from the opposite direction, the chase goes on to hammer ourselves silly in the face of adversity, just because we can.
though i have a garmin attached to the handlebars, as i may have mentioned on a previous occasion, it's really only there for the clock, as i don't wear a watch when i'm out riding. and even were i to admit to making greater use of the numbers displayed on its screen, none of them display heart-rate (i no longer have a chest strap) and certainly not power output. my only means of gauging whether my power output is on a par with where it probably ought to be, is whether i'm getting dropped before froth-supping commences.
i'm less inclined to discuss with you the fact that these ageing bones and muscles are no longer able to lead the rest of the peloton, kicking and screaming all the way to the finish line. i confess to having been left behind by a few metres by the time we reach foreland road end, or on the climb at blackrock when heading in the opposite direction. but i'm also well past the point of no return with regard to adopting any sort of training plan, especially when so many advise the use of somewhat expensive power meters.
a quick scan of available units informs me that an srm unit would lighten my bank account by around £3,000 and i really doubt that winning the sprint for the 30mph sign at bruichladdich village is worth anything like that amount of money. the more astute amongst you will be eager to point out that i could lessen the financial burden by acquiring a powertap hubbed wheel for a mere £500, but to be honest, i'd rather buy shiny campagnolo bits for the bicycle that have no bearing on my ultimate speed.
so, despite my admonishment of training by power output, you can imagine my intrigue on learning that there may just be an app to help measure my power output while lessening any concomitant financial output.
having been tried and tested in both the spanish and latin american markets, capitán nugget's fitif power meter, freely downloadable from apple's app store for your iphone (android version expected before the year end), promises to provide power measurements as accurate as those engineered for either crank or pedals. there are in-app purchases to get it to work for you, but the cost is still a tad lower than either of the previously mentioned examples.
as one of only two people in the world not yet in possession of a smartphone of any description, i cannot testify to the efficacy of the software, but with costs that appear to be on the minimal side, what have you got to lose? capitá nugget advise the assistance of a cadence sensor to improve the accuracy of measurement, as well as a bluetooth heart-rate monitor. there are a number of other data required to calibrate the accuracy of the software, but essentially the app uses your phone's gps to calculate how much power you're exerting while desperately trying to keep that back wheel clearly in view.
the software developers are currently working on making the fitif power app compatible with garmin devices via the ant+ communication protocol.
sunday 3 december 2017
..........................................................................................................................................................................................................t-labs road riding t-shirt
last year, i was fortunate enough to have organised an appropriate cycle route for prince albert of monaco to ride between ardbeg, lagavulin and laphroaig distilleries. this task had been the subject of several e-mails between myself and the whisky society of monaco, each of which stressed the need for secrecy and non-disclosure, strictures which were observed until after the ride had taken place.
not unnaturally, as a head of state and notwithstanding the fact that he wore a bright orange jacket with albert printed on the back, the prince was accompanied by armed security, all of whom wore small, round pin badges on their jacket lapels. when asked the reason behind this by jackie at ardbeg, we were told that it enabled them to quickly assess from those in a crowd, who were the good guys and who might possibly not be.
it's hard to equate the act of assembling at a pre-ordained point each and every sunday morning, dressed to the nines in often less than subtle lycra or sportwool with membership of a secret society. but, as we all know, the secret society part kicks in when we revert to our civilian garb, quietly going about our ordinary business without drawing undue attention to ourselves. but there's no real point in being a fully-paid up member of an altogether secret society, yet having no means of identifying others.
thankfully, there are amongst our number, a variety of subtle indicators pointing out the true followers of the velocipedinal way, none of which are specifically taught at the point of lycra purchase, but can be absorbed by osmosis provided you hang out with right crowd. like the mighty dave t, for instance. those little oval tanned patches on the back of each hand, the extremely odd tan lines as seen when in swimwear at poolside, a tendency to wear logo'd casquettes in public or though perhaps a tad extreme, having the word campagnolo tattoed on the back of your neck.
(and just to acknowledge that there is more than just one secret society in the world, i always carry a dw drum key in my pocket.)
however, not all depends on secret handshakes or sleight of hand; every now and again, one has to come out of the closet and demonstrate our undying affiliation to the cause. i'm not suggesting that we emulate the mores of the average soccer fan and spend each day dressed in the home strip of a favourite team with an unpronunceable surname on the back, but perhaps something as simple as a cotton t-shirt would suffice?
the recently reviewed rapha pro team winter baselayer features the subtly applied message trouvée d'arenberg in a semi-circle across the front, but you will not hear it from me that you ought to sit in the monday morning office wearing a winter baselayer. that would just be odd.
a t-shirt would seem the ideal solution then, one which the creative folks at t-lab are more than happy to satisfy, particularly with their brand spanking new road riding t-shirt. should you find it a trifle difficult to decipher the applied legend from the illustrations, let me enlighten you...
"gearchaginhillclimbintruckdodginwindcheatinlegshavincabelsnappinwheelchasinlegburnin roadriding"
i daresay it's a bit rich coming from a chap who refuses to employ capital letters, but aside from a total lack of apostrophes or spaces between words, the t-shirt easily accomplishes the desired signification, yet maintains the statutory level of secrecy amongst the cognoscenti. the shirt is cnstructed from heavyweight, quality cotton and satisfyingly printed with a thickness of ink that ought to defy more than just a few machine wash cycles. and the t-lab people have contrived to print the word 'roadriding' in red, against a dark blue background (or an optional lighter greenish-blue). with the preceding text printed in white, this all but conceals the punchline, lest it be unintentionally read by the uninitiated.
the shirt, available in the above mentioned colours, can be acquired in small to xl for the princely sum of £27 each. considering the time of year, it brings new meaning to the phrase secret santa.
friday 24 november 2017
..........................................................................................................................................................................................................#pinarellno, but not as we know it
with such a notable upsurge in the popularity of women's cycling, it would be a silly person indeed who claimed that professional cycling was solely the preserve of the male of the species. granted, the world tour, pro-continental and continental levels are expressly and exclusively male in their pelotonic constitution while, as far as i know, the uci have still not seen fit to enforce a minimum salary at any level of the women's side of the sport. in the light of this, making a living as a professional woman cyclist is probably a bit harder than it needs to be. however, following continued pressure from both sides of the barriers, cyclocross racers in north america receive equal prize money, perhaps a small step, but at least one in the right direction.
there is, however, no denying that the majority of male professionals are a tad quicker and possessed of greater stamina than their female counterparts. that has everything to do with biology and nothing at all to do with the uci. it is the basis behind the majority of women's races being of a shorter parcours than men's events. but, such a situation is applicable entirely to the professional milieu; i'm sure the majority of my male readers can think of at least one female rider who could leave them withering in their dust, struggling manfully to hang onto a rapidly disappearing rear wheel.
in a perfect world, there would be just cycle racing; the gender of those participating would be entirely immaterial. it might even be quite humbling, yet spectacular, to feature some races consisting of both male and female riders. unfortunately, life doesn't seem to be like that. then to add insult to injury, italian manufacturers and suppliers of bicycles to team sky, pinarello,
posted highly contentious advertisements for their new carbon electric bike on social media sites. the reason for the subsequent barrage of castigation, of which many will be already aware, was the suggestion that ownership of this latest machine would greatly benefit the female riders who would now be able to keep up with their male partners on the weekend ride.
it would be hard to argue against the indignation expressed at such a major marketing faux pas, indignation that has apparently resulted in the company's twitter account being deleted and their two offending instagram posts disappearing into the ether. it is unfortunate, to say the least, that pinarello did not anticipate the political incorrectness of their ad campaign before clicking 'upload'. as is well documented, the power of hindsight is one that we all wish we had, coupled with apple's command-z keyboard undo shortcut.
it strikes me however, that while i too find this example of pinarello's marketing to be greatly embarrassing, i think it possible that our wrath may have missed the original thrust of their misguided campaign; that one of the stalwarts of the professional peloton, renowned for continued development of the carbon racing bike and multiple successes at an international level as well as long-time supplier of bicycles to team sky has seen fit to produce an electric bike.
i mean, really?
this will surely be seen as a betrayal of everything we have invested in their self-proclaimed aura. no longer will those once proud to wear their team sky jerseys in public do so without fear of ridicule. the uci's pre-race efforts will likely be re-doubled to check chris froome's pinarello for a hidden electric motor, particularly when one misguided advertising campaign might beget one more. you can but see the kudos waiting to be garnered were pinarello to announce on the champs elysees that froomey had just won his first tour de france aboard one of their latest electric bikes.
the market for electrically assisted bicycles is reputedly on the rise, one that i had always naively assumed was aimed more at the occasional leisure rider than those with the financial wherewithal and sense of heritage to choose italian carbon fibre. it appears that i may have been misled, or was too stupid to note the signs. either way, it seems unlikely that pinarello have enhanced their reputation in the eyes of the cognoscenti, whether male or female.
as you will doubtless be aware, all manner of so-called technological developments give me cause for sleepless nights, but an electrically assisted carbon roadbike will probably engender a month's worth of nightmares along with the continual need to ask 'why?'
pinarello nytro electric carbon road bike
thursday 23 november 2017
..........................................................................................................................................................................................................en-velo-pe
i own a 22"x18" drum workshop bass drum, a percussion instrument with a sound that can eliminate small animals at fifty paces. aside from the fact that it is covered in a most pleasing vintage marine pearl, giving me at least something in common with gene krupa and buddy rich, even if unrelated to percussive ability, in order to retain its pristine beauty, i have it stored within a soft, padded, fleece-lined case, but not in one of those tough abs plastic thingummies.
you may think this a tad naive, for soft and cuddly drum cases are hardly likely to survive the average aircraft baggage handler. but then, unless the buddy rich big band run out of options, the likelihood of me having to shift that drum or its smaller brethren by air is remarkably small. more often than not, the drums are transported by car and since i do not own such a vehicle, in every case that i can think of, that's likely to be someone else's. though i think you can see where i'm going with this, the softer the drum case, the less likely it is that i will tear chunks from the interior of a (former) friend's pride and joy.
but all these matters aside, it never fails to surprise me just how much an empty cylinder of wood actually weighs. i get it that the number of glued plies and hardware combined are unlikely to float away in a decent breeze, but that hardly explains why i may have to take out gym membership if i wish to keep transporting said bass drum, no matter its resemblance to the big band sound.
bicycles, on the other hand, unless fashioned in the style of a pashley roadster, tend to display an incredible lightness of being. but in the process of so doing, the plastic fabric from which they are constructed nowadays, is considerably less resilient than the lugged steel of their predecessors. granted, steel tubing needs protection from the dings and dents of our discontent, to say nothing of a custom metallic paint job, but thin carbon fibre, now that it has adopted all manner of odd profiles, would not remain favourably constituted should push come to shove.
but then again, in comparison to the average bass drum, the more awkward shape of a bicycle is likely to find all manner of automotive corners and crevices to put asunder, unless of course, contained within a case/bag that offers soft and cuddly in an attractive range of colours. and when not being thrown about in the back of a car/train/van/bus (delete as applicable), that bicycle might have need of being stored in a convenient location and while there, to be protected from the elements. if you have elements like i have elements, that's a lot of protection.
so while the quest to produce the ultimate bicycle continues apace in the far east, some rather enterprising folks nearer to home are conducting a similar investigation into just how to protect such ultimateness, not only under transportation conditions, but also those more statically inclined, whether indoors or in the back garden. as a means of enticing you to assist them in their ministrations, the bods at en-velo-pe have prepared a short survey regarding the number and type of bicycles you own as well as any particular needs you may have in respect of their protection. i have already given them the dubious benefit of my own experiences, but in order that you might join the party, i have included the weblink below.
as a mild irritation, you may find that you need a google account to get further than the opening page, but i'm sure in this day and age of social media ninjas, you'll already have such credentials.
wednesday 22 november 2017
..........................................................................................................................................................................................................giessegi redoute bibtights
every year at art college, just before the end of the christmas term, there was a dance held at the school known as the 'revels'. since we were all supposed to be creative, if not necessarily pargmatic or even logical, the theme for the 'revels' changed each year. as i recall, in my first year the theme was black and white, while the following year's event demanded that we scour the wide world of science-fiction or fantasy for our costumal inspiration. though it does my street-cred no favours whatsoever, i had my mother knit a ridiculously long woollen scarf and went as 'dr. who.
a fellow in my year, who was an excellent artist from, shall we say, the less salubrious part of glasgow, decided to assume the identity of a female rob roy. his costume featured the expected tartan kilt, accessorised with a beret variation of the hat allegedly worn by bonnie prince charlie, a pair of tights and high-heeled shoes. the latter were quickly dispensed with before he began drinking in earnest, but the humorous part (as if the foregoing weren't funny enough) was his acquisition of the tights.
imagine, if you will, a tall, red-haired, broad-shouldered glaswegian with an accent to match marching into the house of fraser and asking the young lady behind the counter in the lingerie department for a pair of tights. she enquired if it was ladies' tights he required, to which he replied with a straight face "naw, i want men's tights". under flashing lights and a modicum of darkness it was impossible to tell whether he had actually been sold men's tights or women's, though i'm not too sure if any of us would know the difference.
of course, if wearing tights is good enough for stalwarts such as fabian cancellara, tom boonen and johann museeuw, then it sure as heck is dinky-doo for the rest of us. even when domiciled in the hardier regions of scotland's west coast, where wandering along main street wearing a kilt doesn't garner a second look, trudging to buy one's daily paper clad in lycra bibtights probably would. unless, of course, this particular mode of dress is carried off from the saddle of a bicycle. very much a case of odd, but probably past the point of saving.
such a healthy tolerance for the velocipedinally inclined is currently most welcome, for the majority of the g.c. ristorante peloton have, particularly in recent days, stowed the shorts and bib-threequarters somewhere safe and opened the bibtight drawer for the foreseeable future. the only problem remaining is quite what thickness of lycra and density of insulation might be found most appropriate. after all, keeping warm is one thing; overheating, altogether different.
founded in 1984 by former professional road and track rider, simone fraccaro, giessegi is one of italy's top five custom bikewear manufacturers. uk retailers, prendas cclismo kindly sent a pair of the italian company's redoute bibtights, replete with a rather garishly coloured hd ergonomic seat pad. fabricated from a four-way stretch fabric with a modest level of fleece backing, the giessegi bibtights feature double-stitched flat seams throughout, making for a particularly comfortable garment.
though only available in black, there are reflective inserts on the outer section of each knee accompanied by a reflective logo just above your bum. the pad, despite its almost fluorescent hue, offers a thicker seat than most but steers clear of making you feel as if you're wearing a pampers nappy. though it's perhaps not the perfect combination to try out a new saddle wearing an untested bib-tights pad, in practice, even in sub-zero windchill, i cannot claim to have felt undue discomfort.
however, the real proof of the pudding is just whether that fleece backed lycra is of sufficient substance to fend off the worst of the hebridean winter. granted, we're some way from experiencing that so early in the season, but wet, windy and a smidgeon below zero seemed like a good place to start. there's no doubt that the more expensive bibtights on the market often sport a thicker constitution, but that's not always a guarantee of leg-warming-ness. in the case of the giessegi redoute bibtights, the cosiness level seemed more than adequate as far as yours truly was concerned.
that pudding offers greater proof in the face of adversity when infiltrated by a cooling shower or two of rain. it never occurred to me to measure just how long the redoutes took to dry off, but while i was well aware of the rain at the time, i do not recall chittering as i pedalled.
the flattened, thin bib straps are amongst the more comfortable of the genre, resisting any inclination to twist and turn when navigation requires that you do just that, while the rear reaches to the shoulder blades and shields the lower back from draughts. this panel seems geared towards providing superior breathability at the expense of thermality (is there such a word?), a stance easily countered by varying the thickness of the baselayer underneath. unusually these days, the ankles feature foot-loops, making them a bit easier to get into than the contemporary trend for very tight elastic at the hem.
but the masterstroke of such a quality pair of bibtights has to be their extremely economical price. while others inhabit the headroom close to £200, the giessegi redoute bibtights are being offered at a remarkable £59.95 by the chaps at prendas. while the latter have always been keen to keep the peloton stylishly dressed for less, i'd nab a pair or two now, before andy realises his calculator needs batteries.
tuesday 21 november 2017
..........................................................................................................................................................................................................